


Failure is the First Step

by DaniJayNel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, F/F, Happy Ending, Humour, Some angst, Therapy, lots of fluff, marriage AU, marriage therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: Ymir and Historia have been married for eight years, but things between them become strained and uncomfortable. They can barely stand each other, and so after a passionate argument, Ymir decides to leave. But then she stumbles upon a famous marriage counselor, Hange Zoe, and decides that maybe they should at least try to fix the cracks in their marriage before truly throwing in the towel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> figured I should post this now. It's been sitting in my documents for like a year now, and if I don't post it I'll end up forgetting about it.

“Ymir.” The front door to her office slid open, revealing Nanaba’s tired face. “I just finished with the last of the boxes. Are you heading out now?”

Ymir glanced over her shoulder, blinking. Her eyeballs were almost completely dry. “Staying late,” she answered automatically. Before Nanaba could give her sad eyes, she turned back to the screen and continued polishing the work schedule she had started an hour earlier—for only the third month from the present one.

“Ymir…” Nanaba sighed. “Trouble at home again?”

Exhaustion overcame Ymir, but she shrugged and stared pointedly at the screen. Not like her eyeballs could get any dryer, right? “Nah. Just don’t feel like going home. You can though. Don’t wait for me.”

The aura of reluctance was strong, practically pouring out of Nanaba, but this was the same old fight. She left it, saying a quiet goodbye, and shut the door behind her. When she shut the store doors, Ymir exhaled so harshly that her shoulders sagged. Yeah, she just felt like working late.

Who didn’t?

XxX

The night was unusually cold, making Ymir harshly curse herself for forgetting her jacket at work. Not only did she work into the early hours of the morning, but now she was cold and starving. Her house wasn’t all that welcoming either when she stepped inside—white picket fence, three dogs outside, a pool and four big bedrooms. The lights were off. There was a faint smell of spaghetti in the air, so Ymir followed it into the kitchen. As expected, Historia hadn’t made any for her. The oven and microwave were empty. The fridge lacked any leftovers.

Slamming the fridge door with a sigh, Ymir grabbed some cheese and bread. She hurriedly made a sandwich, swallowed it down with a can of beer, and then made her way warily down the hallway to the bedroom. Inside Historia slept, soundly and peacefully. She was sprawled out over the centre of the bed, golden hair spilling over Ymir’s pillow. Instead of making Ymir smile, like it used to, it made her sigh in irritation. She had a quick shower, dressed for bed and then climbed in on her side. She lightly pushed Historia away to her own side, and then turned her back to her wife, closed her eyes and fell into a cold, restless sleep.

Nothing new there.

XxX

The next morning Ymir woke late. Her alarm had gone off, but clearly she had slept right through it. Swearing, she jumped out of bed and into a hurried shower. When she was done she clambered into the kitchen for a quick bite, only to find Historia at the stove, flipping pancakes. Ymir paused.

“Don’t you have work today?” she found herself blurting.

Historia glanced her way. “Morning to you too, Ymir.”

Ymir sighed, fastening her tie. “Sorry. Morning. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine, Ymir. Just because I decided to spend the morning at home, it doesn’t mean the world is ending. It’s not like you make much of an effort either.”

Ymir narrowed her eyes. She went over to the fridge to grab a cold bottle of water, and drank from it slowly. Her chest was buzzing with anger, hot and tight. She hated it. And looking at Historia’s small form, the hard line of her shoulders, the stiffness in her spine, Ymir hated her too sometimes.

“Are you making any of that for me?” she bit out, intending the comment to hurt or insult. It did.

“Well, you were still in bed this time. Will you even stay for breakfast?” Her tone was clipped, formal. It made Ymir’s anger burn brighter.

Morning sunlight burst in through the open curtains, framing Historia’s round face. Her skin was pale, but Ymir knew how warm and soft it was. Her heart ached. It ached that she thought badly of Historia, that sometimes she simply wanted to leave. It ached for the loss of a beautiful relationship, one they had built from ruins, all the way into a shining, strong fortress. Now all their efforts were for naught. They could barely stand each other anymore. Married for 8 years, but it felt like the last year had been a prison sentence.

“Why didn’t you wake me when my alarm didn’t?” she asked to deflect, because Historia was right and that hurt.

“You came home late, didn’t you? You needed to sleep.”

“I need to manage the shop.”

“The shop can manage itself. You know Nanaba is well trained and she wouldn’t let anything happen. Is it so difficult to spend one pleasant morning with your wife?”

Ymir felt a snarky comment on her tongue, but it slipped back down her throat when Historia sent her a saddened gaze.

“I miss you,” Historia admitted softly. She turned back to the stove, plated the food and then dumped the used dishes into the sink. She went over to the table to set the plates down, grabbed some cutlery and the syrup, and then waited before sitting. “Will you sit?”

Ymir swallowed. Her throat felt tight, like she could hardly get any air down into her lungs. Her stomach lurched like she would throw up, but Historia’s expression pulled her in. She relented and sat down opposite her, mouth dry and heart heavy. She had missed this too—simply enjoying breakfast together.

“How is work?” Historia started. She poured syrup and melted chocolate onto her portion of pancakes, dropping berries on the top. “Must be busy. You’re hardly ever home.”

Ymir felt awkward, her limbs heavy. She mechanically reached for her own food and stabbed the pancakes with her fork. “Um, it’s going fine. Yours?”

Historia’s face pulled. Ymir found herself smiling lightly. “Ugh, sometimes I hate it.”

“Can’t be easy owning such a vast company,” Ymir added. She slipped a slice of pancake past her lips, savored the texture on her tongue. She preferred it plain, unlike Historia who would douse it with enough sugar to make her double in weight almost instantly. But she wouldn’t actually, since Historia ate whatever she wanted and never showed the proof on her body. Ymir had always enjoyed that. No matter how much she ate, Historia was always tiny and petite. It was amusing at most.

“No, it isn’t. It helps that father co-owns.”

Ymir frowned. “I’m sure it does.”

Historia sent her a look, but turned back to her food. They didn’t say anything more. The atmosphere shriveled up like a fish out in dry air. Ymir’s heart dropped into her stomach, making bile rise up in her throat. She hated feeling like this with Historia, but for the past year she had. They had nothing to say to each other. Nothing but work, and work was already a very dry subject. Ymir considered asking any other benign question, but realized that with them being married, she should already know the answers. If she asked how Historia was emotionally, they would only be reminded of the rift between them. Of how they were basically strangers sleeping in the same bed.

Ymir glanced up at the clock. The energy around them was suffocating, and she couldn’t stuff anymore food down her throat. She coughed into her fist, pushed the plate away from her. “Thanks for the food, it was great. I should get going.” _Away from here. Anywhere but here, where I don’t have to look at you and wonder how we fell in love in the first place._

Historia’s head shot up sharply. “Seriously?” her tone dropped low, threatening. “It hasn’t even been five minutes.”

Ymir threw her jacket over her shoulder, shrugging. “We can’t even have a conversation for more than five minutes. There’s nothing interesting to say.” She caught the glint of Historia’s wedding ring, still bound around her finger. It made her stomach lurch again.

Historia stood, eyes wide. “Ymir, I’ve barely seen you at all this week. No, I think this is the first time this week. You come home late, leave early. We never talk. We never have sex. Where is this leading? What are we doing?”

Ymir narrowed her eyes. “Don’t make it out like this is about me. You were the one that accepted the promotion a year ago. _You_ were hardly ever home, and _you_ pushed me aside to please your daddy and his buddies. This isn’t on me.”

Instead of responding with hurt, like Ymir had expected, Historia narrowed her eyes. “I wasn’t the one who decided to give up.”

“Give up?” Ymir exclaimed, anger rising. “Is that what we’re doing? Because to me it seems like the fun times are over. We are strangers, Historia. When I look at you, I want to run.”

Historia stepped back, blue eyes wide. They filled with tears, but she didn’t back down. It looked like her anger intensified. “Have you fallen out of love with me, Ymir? Does our marriage mean nothing to you?”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what I feel. All I know is that I’m single and you’re married to your work.”

“I’m married to _you!_ ”

Like an unexpected fire, fed by the burning embers of venom and frustration, Ymir exploded. “Then fucking act like it! I’m so sick and tired of being second best to you. It’s either your job, or me. You can’t fuck us both. I loved you, Historia. I loved you so fucking much. But now I have this gaping hole in my chest and you fucking put it there.” Clenching her teeth hard, Ymir ignored Historia’s shouts and headed for the door. It slammed harshly behind her, but she didn’t care. She didn’t pay for the house, not anymore. There was nothing left to care about.

Huffing in pain and anguish, Ymir collapsed inside of her car and then fumbled on her phone for Nanaba’s number. As soon as she picked up, Ymir released a teary sigh.

“Nanaba, please take over the shop for the next few days. I’m leaving.” She paused, listening. “Yeah, I think it’s over. I need to think. Can you handle it? Okay, thanks. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

She didn’t want to go back inside to fetch any clothes, so she simply reversed out of the driveway and headed to the city exist. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t live an empty, unfulfilling life with a woman she didn’t love anymore.

So she left, to someplace she didn’t know, to think about her failing marriage.


	2. Chapter 2

The alarm was loud and shrill when it went off. Ymir had mostly been awake already, though, so she simply opened her eyes and stabbed at her phone’s screen to stop the noise. Her arm flopped back onto the bed once it was done. The room was humid, and sweat made her shirt and underwear cling harshly to her skin. Ymir slid her eyes shut and buried her head underneath the pillow.

“ _Ah! Ah… Ah. Fuck me harder! Yesss!”_

Ymir uncovered her face and glared across the room where she could now hear the distinct sound of a bed banging against the thin wall. Clearly the couple on the other side were having a great time, and quite loudly too.

_“Faster!”_

She sighed. There was absolutely no going back to sleep while strangers had sex in her ears. She threw the blanket aside and padded over to the bathroom to clean herself up for the day.

Five days. Ymir had driven as far away as she could, then taken residence in a small town. There was only one motel available, but it wasn’t so bad. She’d been here for three nights. There was no plan, no goal. Ymir simply wanted to be away, to take time for herself and figure her life out.  

After showering and dressing in the time it took the woman next door to reach her second shattering orgasm, Ymir quickly left her room and headed into town. There was a Starbucks, thank god, so she decided to order a strong coffee and took a seat close to the counter. She leaned her chin against her palm and watched the people around her. It was pretty busy, but that was most likely due to the morning rush as people grabbed a beverage before heading in to work. That train of thought made Ymir pull her phone out of her pocket and stare at it. She deliberated—should she? She hadn’t taken any calls or read any messages since she’d left, so there was no telling what was happening back at home. Part of her really hoped that Historia was kicking up a fuss, screaming at people to find her and bring her back. That would mean that she actually still cared, that there was still room in her heart to worry. But when Ymir unlocked her phone and went through her messages, all she saw was texts and emails from Nanaba, advising her on the goings-on of the shop and wishing her well. There was even a message from her mother reminding her to visit for her father’s birthday. She sighed.

“Ymir!”

Her head snapped up. A young boy behind the counter was glancing hurriedly around the shop, so she stood and took her coffee from him, muttering a polite thanks. He merely smiled and turned to give out his next order. Ymir left the shop and started a slow, unhurried walk. She stared at her cellphone for a long time, taking languid sips of coffee, listening to the buzz of cars around her. Eventually she gave in and tapped on Nanaba’s contact. On the first ring she picked up.

“Were you staring at your phone waiting for me to call?” Ymir asked, voice laced with fake amusement.

Nanaba sighed. “Ymir. Where are you? I’ve been worried sick. It’s been days since we last spoke. Are you alright?”

Ymir took a large mouthful of coffee and deliberately made Nanaba wait in suspense while she swallowed. “Hi, mom,” she retorted, rolling her eyes. “I’m fine. Seriously, stop worrying so much.”

“Someone needs to,” Nanaba shot back. “You’re hurting right now.”

“I’m not feeling much right now, actually.”

“Ymir, you left.”

Silence. Ymir counted to ten, waited for the sudden churning of her stomach to stop. She dumped her half-drunk coffee in a dustbin and turned into the town park. “I did. I’m actually calling about the shop. How is it doing? How are sales?”

Nanaba didn’t say anything immediately, and Ymir didn’t need to see her to know that she was frowning. Out of all of her friends, Nanaba was the closest to her. They shared a similar background, and through struggle had grown up strong together. It touched Ymir, to know that Nanaba cared so much. Almost enough to make her want to go back. Almost.

“The shop is fine. Sasha is on her second week of training, but she’s learning the layout of the shop. She is exceptional with sales, so we are trading in positive figures.”

“And our target?”

“If Sasha keeps upselling the way she is, we’ll make target and more.”

Ymir cracked a tiny smile. “That’s good. I’m glad. I hope Connie is treating her well.”

Nanaba snickered. “Actually, I think we’ve only created a monster. He and Sasha are like best friends now.”

“That’s good. Really good.”

She reached a dam and crept up to the edge of the grass. A family of ducks floated by, creating ringlets of water that spread out from their oval bodies. Ymir watched them and lazily kicked some rocks into the water, scaring the ducks away. She sighed.

“When are you coming back?” Nanaba asked.

Ymir tilted her head back and stared up into the trees above her. “When I feel like it. Not yet.”

“Soon?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Just stay safe. And don’t do anything stupid, please. You’re still married.”

Ymir furrowed her brows. “You’re being a mom again.”

Nanaba laughed. “You’re the sort of friend that needs a legion of moms, Ymir. Just take care of yourself. Alright? I need to get back onto the floor now. Berthold called in sick so Sasha and Connie are alone, entertaining themselves on top of the counter.” There was a sudden crash in the background. “And there we go. They broke something. Bye, Ymir.”

She said farewell and stuffed her phone back into her pocket. “Still married, huh?” she muttered to herself. “I wish it felt that way.”

XxX

“Staying late again, Mrs Reiss?”

Historia startled at the sudden voice, face lifting to stare at the open doorway. The floor beyond her office was pitch black, evidence that her staff had all left already. Historia’s was the only light still on. Glancing quickly, Historia saw Ymir standing there in her doorway, tall figure spilling shadows into her office. But it was only Ilse, and Historia flushed lightly in embarrassment at herself. Her heart was suddenly beating erratically.

“I suppose I should leave,” she admitted quietly. Ilse silently stood by the doorway as Historia packed her laptop and files away, and then joined her in the darkness. She switched her light off and fell into step beside Ilse. She wasn’t quite as tall as Ymir, and she had a more feminine build, but she still looked a lot like her. When Ilse had first applied with Historia’s company, Ymir had been utterly amused and had begged her to hire the woman. Luckily for Ilse she was more than qualified, and Historia had wanted to entertain Ymir’s sense of humour. Once Ymir had snuck in and convinced Ilse to let them pretend to be each other. Historia’s heart gave a hard squeeze and she tightened her grip on her suitcase.

“Driving home?” Ilse asked.

Historia almost forgot that they were walking together. She spared Ilse a patient look, lips twitching into a small smile. “Yes.”

Ilse studied her face. “Is she not home yet?”

There it was, the dreaded question. No one had dared ask her in the week since Ymir had disappeared. Gossip spread quickly in their company, and Ilse also happened to be dating Ymir’s best friend, Nanaba. Historia wasn’t certain by which source Ilse had found out, but regardless of where, she still knew. Her gaze was filled with pity and it made Historia furious. It wasn’t fair to take her anger out on Ilse, though, so Historia bottled all her emotions up and kept her face void.

“No. I’m sure when she does come back, you’ll be the first to know from Nanaba.”

Ilse’s face creased in deeper concern. “You don’t honestly think she would come to us before you?”

Historia pulled her keys out and pushed the unlock button for her car. “She left,” she said plainly. “What more do I need to say?” Her car door opened automatically and she set her suitcase and laptop down on the passenger seat. Ilse’s car seemed to be parked right beside her, but she didn’t get in immediately.

“If you need anything, His’, let me know.”

The familiar nickname made Historia’s eyes sting. When last had someone called her that? When had Ymir called her that? She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d gone out to have dinner with their friends. Was Ymir right? Had she let her work completely consume her?

“Thanks.” She gave her a very weak smile. “Drive safely, and tell Nanaba that I say hi.”

Ilse nodded and disappeared into her car. Historia climbed into her own, but waited until Ilse had long ago driven away. There was no desire to return home. What waited there for her? A dark house, silent rooms and an empty bed. Even when they’d barely spoke, just the knowledge that Ymir lived there too had given Historia some measure of comfort. Before sorrow and guilt could creep into her bones, Historia felt a twinge of anger and latched onto it with desperation. Slowly and thickly rage burned through her veins, and then she was speeding away from Reiss Corp, ignoring all stop signs and red lights. Adrenalin pumped through her veins, urged her to go faster faster _faster._

Historia drove for what felt like hours, and when she finally felt her eyes grow heavy, she slowed down to the legal speed limit and watched the flash of street lights and business signs. A few clubs were still open, spilling people and pulsing lights onto the street. She considered stopping and visiting one, but then her wedding ring sparkled on her finger and her stomach clenched tight, and Historia drove on. Before she realized it, she ended up on her street. Reluctantly she parked in her driveway, then merely stared up at the dark, vacant house.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she spoke aloud. “And that it’s worth ending this marriage over.”

She slipped her ring off, grabbed her bags and headed inside. There was no way to convince herself that her heart wasn’t heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it's rare that I write a story where the conflict is between Ymir and Historia and not around them. My feels are all over the place with this fic, lol, but at least I know how it's gonna end. Good luck motherfuckers 
> 
> (P.S this fic won't be really sad I promise it'll actually have lots of fluff and humour and sex)


	3. Chapter 3

Ymir dreamt of Historia that night, though she hardly had any actual sleep. To her horror and mild concern, the couple next door were _still_ fucking. She wasn’t even sure if they had even stopped at all during the day when she’d been out being lonely and depressed. Ymir had walked all over town, thinking about her life and where she wanted to be. When she had returned to her room, it only took a quick second of silence to hear the sounds of sexual groaning from beyond the wall.

Woken for a third time, Ymir threw her pillow at the wall and rubbed a hand over her face. She couldn’t deal with this so late. Who the fuck even had time for so much sex anymore? Ymir couldn’t even remember the last time she’d an orgasm, never mind had actual sex. It wasn’t like she and Historia had been particularly inclined as of late. Ever since that goddamn promotion…

Before certain thoughts could make her even angrier, Ymir threw some clothes on and grabbed her cellphone and keys. Her slops clacked loudly underneath her feet as she made her way down the stairs to the parking lot below. It was pretty dark, but the motel sign and the store across the street provided light where the moon didn’t reach. She headed over to a nearby bench and plopped down with an angry huff. When morning came she would check out and head somewhere else if those idiots next door weren’t done mating by the time the sun came up.

She unlocked her cell and paused to stare at the time. 00:32. Just great. Ymir tapped around for her email, hoping Nanaba had a long update for her to read, but accidentally went into her photos. Her finger slid across the screen as she tried to go out of the file, but she only succeeded in opening up one of the pictures. Historia’s blue eyes stared up at her above a large, happy grin. Ymir frowned deeply, staring at the picture. It didn’t give her butterflies or a rush of affection or anything. She felt nothing. No, not entirely nothing. Seeing Historia’s face like that made her stomach churn with disgust. She lifted her thumb to delete the picture.

“She’s really pretty.”

“Jesus fuck!” Ymir’s hands flailed and her phone sailed through the air. She barely managed to catch herself on the bench before falling off, but her phone landed hard on the gravel beneath her and she stared at it with a tick in her brow. Beside her a woman had appeared, and she was staring at Ymir’s phone with an apologetic look on her face.

“Not the worst reaction I’ve had,” she joked.

Ymir sighed and swiped her phone off the floor. The corner was a little nicked—which she knew would bother the fuck out of her—but other than that, it was alright. She hurriedly slipped her phone back into her pocket and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Sorry for scaring you like that,” the stranger continued. “I just couldn’t keep my comment to myself. Is she a friend?”

Ymir wanted to stand and run down the street. Forget getting her stuff and her car. She was tired and tense and miserable, and it was starting to get a little cold. Her shorts and slops did absolutely nothing to keep her long brown legs warm. She shifted to stare up at the stranger, already pulling up a mean comment from her throat.

The woman was attractive. Strikingly so, enough that Ymir’s words died in her throat. It wasn’t really the beauty of her face that made Ymir suddenly speechless, but more so the severe look in her eyes. They were dark and swirling with shadows, and though they held a gaze that told Ymir this woman had seen some dark stuff, there was also a lightness there. The woman lifted a brow and dropped into the space beside her.

“Er, it’s alright,” Ymir finally answered. “And no, not a friend.”

The woman hummed softly, studying Ymir’s face. “Wife, then,” she supplied. “And maybe not for much longer?”

Ymir blinked. “How did you know that?”

The woman’s face suddenly fell as if she was disappointed by what Ymir had just said. She adjusted the glasses on her face. “Your tone,” she said. “And the look on your face. How long have you been together?”

Normally Ymir would have cussed this woman out and hurried back up to her room, but there was just something about her presence that made Ymir oddly comfortable. She found herself actually answering instead of being sarcastic.

“Eleven years. Married for eight.”

The woman whistled. “Damn. A long time to be together with someone.”

Ymir slumped down on the bench and fiddled with the strings by her shorts’ zipper. “Doesn’t seem to have been enough though.”

“Trouble in paradise is a tragic thing. My name is Hange, by the way. How rude of me to frighten you, interrogate you and not provide my name before.” She flashed a bright, goofy grin. Ymir was utterly compelled to reciprocate, although mildly. Hange held her hand out and she took it.

“Ymir,” she said. “And don’t worry about it. Why are you out here so late on your own?”

Hange’s grip on her hand was a little too tight, a little too warm, but she let go quickly and hid her hands in her armpits. She blew a lock of hair out of her face and glanced up at Ymir’s room, much to Ymir’s dismay.

“Just making sure a business transaction goes smoothly,” Hange said softly. “What about you?”

“You aren’t selling drugs, are you?”

Hange laughed. “No.”

“Buying?”

“I don’t abuse any substances.”

“Picking up a hooker then?”

“Do I look like a shady character to you?”

Ymir studied Hange’s outfit. She was dressed darkly, with tight black jeans and a black jacket. Her hair was up in a ponytail, but from its disarray Ymir could tell she’d had her hood on until recently. She gave a shrug and grinned.

“Maybe.”

Hange shook her head. “Looks can be deceiving. So can problems, sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes when you feel like there is no answer or solution, there’s one staring right at you. Sure, not all relationships can work out forever, but most can. All you need is a little extra effort. Here.” Hange reached into her pocket and produced a card. “Give me a call if you feel like eleven years are worth more something.” She winked.

Ymir took the card and stared down at it.

 _Organization of Marriage Counselling_  
Hange Zoe  
Contact: xxx-xxx-xxx

She furrowed her brows. “I don’t, um…” Hange’s lifted brow made her click her mouth shut. “Thanks.”

Hange grinned. “I should get going. Have a lovely night.”

Ymir could only watch as Hange stood and walked over to a suspicious looking black van. When she drove by she waved enthusiastically, to which Ymir waved back. She sat there for a while, staring at the road, twirling the card in her fingers.

What were eleven years really worth?


	4. Chapter 4

Ymir hadn’t realized how far out she’d driven until she took the drive back. Nine ours. _Nine_ goddamn hours. Ymir obviously hadn’t been in the state of mind to even realize how far she was driving. To be fair, her entire soul had felt like it was crumbling from the inside. But as she drove back, there was a curious sense of… nothing. No anger, no anticipation. Ymir knew what she needed to do, what needed to happen. If this didn’t work, then those divorce papers she had hidden at work only needed her signature. She didn’t even feel scared about it anymore, or hurt. It was just a fact of life.

If they couldn’t sort their differences out, then they were definitely better off ending things and finding other people—though, Ymir wasn’t certain if she would ever be interested in a relationship again. Sex, sure. That was something she knew she couldn’t really live without—masturbation was a thing, but a boring thing when the need really hit—and she was still confident in her ability to seduce women. It had been so, so long since she’d thought of that. God, she felt ancient, and she was only thirty-seven. Historia had taken all her good years. They had been good years, though. Really good.

_“Give me a call if you feel like eleven years are worth something.”_

Ymir frowned. Hange had seemed very peculiar. Like probably was a huge creeper. But there had been a definite intelligent look in her eyes, a deep understanding that made Ymir pause from dismissing her as a crazy lady. It was thanks to that, that Ymir had decided to pack up, shove her shit in her car and buckle in for the ride back.

Ymir’s city blurred by her before too long. She gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her fingers went white. The closer she got to their house, the more her stomach clenched tight with nerves. Before she knew it she was taking the wrong turn and driving away, towards Nanaba instead of Historia. She didn’t stop to question herself, just focused on her destination, on the steady, continuous thump of her heartbeat. When she arrived by Nanaba’s flat, she was unnervingly calm. She cut the engine and sat in the driveway for a moment, then climbed out and headed up to Nanaba’s door to knock three times.

At first there was nothing. No one answered, there was no noise beyond. Ymir knocked again, harder and with more urgency. It was almost nine in the evening, there was no way Nanaba wasn’t home. Unless she and Ilse had decided to go out for dinner, or something. They could have been anywhere for all Ymir knew. Where did that leave her? To go back home? She wasn’t ready to see Historia again, not until she was utterly sure that this was the right step to take. She needed her friend. _What if Nanaba doesn’t come home tonight? Where do I go?_

She pulled her phone out and tapped on Nanaba’s contact. Suddenly the door swung open, revealing Nanaba’s tall form and uncharacteristic scowl. Her expression brightened immediately when Ymir lifted her head.

“Ymir?”

Ymir lifted a brow. Nanaba was wearing a gown—a thin one—and appeared to be nude otherwise. Her hair was pretty messy, too, and her eyes were a little too bright. Shame and embarrassment filled Ymir and she had to resist the urge to turn and rush back to her car.

“Fuck, I interrupted didn’t I?”

Nanaba blushed slightly and ran a hand through her tousled hair. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’re back. Would you like to come in? Does Historia know you’re back?”

Nanaba moved aside and Ymir entered with a small smile. As much as she felt like a jackass for invading like this, she was desperate to speak to someone about her thoughts and have someone validate what she was feeling. Ilse appeared in the hallway, looking just as disgruntled, but she grinned brightly when she noticed Ymir.

“My long lost twin!” she laughed, flying into Ymir’s arms for a tight hug. Ymir sighed and held her just as tightly, until Nanaba cleared her throat and they pulled apart, Ilse grinning. “What? I missed seeing my face on another woman.” She winked and patted Ymir’s cheek. The pat turned into a harsh pinch, and Ilse’s face darkened. “Now you, missy, have some explaining to do. Do you have any idea how Historia has felt since you just up and left?”

Ymir slapped her hand away. “I don’t, that’s the point.”

Ilse tsked and crossed her arms over her chest. “Go. You and Nanaba clearly have some talking to do. I’m going to take a bath and calm my hormones, since you interrupted when it was getting good.” Her eyes flicked over to Nanaba, who was looking everywhere else but at them. She kissed her lightly underneath the jaw and then swaggered down the hallway to their bedroom. Ymir and Nanaba both watched her go.

“I don’t understand how she goes from sister to mother so quick with you,” Nanaba murmured. “It’s so hot.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Gross.”

“Oh, come on. We’re both adults.”

“It’s gross because we look so alike.”

Nanaba shrugged. “Hey, I have a type, I can’t help it.”

Ymir tried not to entertain _that_ thought. She had a sneaky suspicion that Nanaba had been in love with her years prior to her meeting Historia and Nanaba meeting Ilse. Nanaba had never said anything, but Ymir just had a feeling sometimes. She also wondered what her life would have been like if she’d just fallen in love with Nanaba instead of Historia. She sighed when these thoughts swirled around in her mind, and then followed Nanaba into the kitchen where she flicked the kettle on and compiled two mugs of coffee.

“So, start at the beginning. What happened?”

Ymir hopped up on the counter and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t love her anymore,” she said plainly.

Nanaba dropped her spoon. She swore softly and bent to pick it up. “I didn’t…” Her cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat. “But the two of you were so in love.”

Ymir clasped her hands together, studying the lines of the bones at her wrists. “That’s just it. We were in love. Really in love. But now? It’s like I feel nothing for her. We had a big fight. It was something stupid, like usual. And I just couldn’t do it anymore. I get home to an empty bed and wake up to an empty bed, and when she is there it’s like she doesn’t even care. We haven’t had sex in a year, Nanaba. The thought of touching her does nothing for me now. I… I went to a divorce attorney.”

Nanaba quietly poured hot water into the mugs, and continued her silence as she stirred some milk in. She handed a mug over to Ymir and then turned to lean against the counter beside her. “That’s really sad,” she finally whispered. “We all thought the two of you would be forever. The way you loved each other… There was a time when I envied it badly. I wanted what you had, so badly.” She swallowed and sighed. “I do have it now. I love Ilse more than anything. I want to marry her, and I know I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

Ymir hated hearing this. Just being reminded of how strong her feelings for Historia had been made her stomach roll. She set her half-finished coffee aside and pulled Hange’s card out from her pocket. “I’m considering marriage counselling,” she admitted. “When I was away, I met this weird woman. But she said some things that really made me think. I’ve been with Historia for eleven years, and I’m not sure of the solution is to just throw those years away.”

Nanaba took both of their mugs to the sink to wash them. “I’m glad you’re thinking about working on the problem, instead of giving up. What you and Historia had is something people look for all their lives, and not many actually find it. I think you can definitely get that back.” Nanaba gave her a small, hopeful smile. “If the two of you can’t work things out, then I fear my faith in love with be destroyed.”

Ymir rolled her eyes but hopped off the counter to step into Nanaba’s arms. No matter the severity of her negative emotions, Nanaba always knew what to say or do to make her feel just a little bit better. “You really think this can work? That we can get back to what we were?”

Nanaba gently rubbed a hand along her back, soothing all of her worries. “If anyone can, it’s the two of you. Give it a try. You can either save your marriage or realize that it’s not worth saving. For your sake, I hope the former.”

Ymir closed her eyes and relished in Nanaba’s warmth. It had been so long since she’d felt physical contact from another human being. “Yeah,” she said brokenly. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you know the Nanaba/Ilse happened by accident like I never planned it Ilse just popped up by Historia's work and was suddenly dating Nanaba and I just rolled with it lol
> 
> also the YumiNa subtext just happened I can't help it I'm sorry I am Nanaba's bitch


	5. Chapter 5

After the coffee was consumed and conversation had, Ilse offered to let Ymir sleep over. She decided to accept, since she was still trying to really figure out what to do. Nanaba urging her to take the counselling helped. Ymir just needed to get over her doubts and steel herself for a very big argument when she got home, so she stretched out on their couch and had a blank, dreamless sleep. She woke up before her friends did and made breakfast to say thank you. Afterwards she accepted a shower, dressed in fresh clothes and then hurried out to her car.

“Good luck!” Nanaba called out to her. “And try not to kill each other, alright?”

Ymir slid her window down and put her key into the ignition. “Can’t promise anything.”

“Call us as soon as you’ve made a decision,” Ilse said. “Or I’ll call you myself.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Yes _mom_!”

Nanaba laughed loudly and accepted a playful slap from Ilse, but then they started kissing and Ymir averted her eyes quickly before her chest started burning. Nanaba distractedly waved her away and so she drove off, shaking her head but smiling softly. What on earth would she do without Nanaba and Ilse to take her in for a night and talk some sense into her? She was insanely lucky to have them in her life. She briefly wondered if Historia also had people like that, minus Ilse. It was no secret that on most arguments, Ilse usually defended Historia while Nanaba, ever loyal, stuck behind Ymir.

Traffic was very light as she drove home, mainly due to people already being at work. The rush was at least over, so Ymir took her time driving through the highways towards the inner city. She considered stopping somewhere just to stall, but had to argue herself out of it. This needed to happen, whether she liked it or not. Her wedding ring still sat on her finger, a simple silver band, and with it the promise that they would stick together through sickness and in health. Ymir owed it to them, to Historia, to give this a try. Even if all she wanted to do was just shrug and move on to something easier. Ymir was never one to back down, though.

The house was just as she remembered it, though the only noticeable difference was that Historia’s Porsche sat in the driveway. Ymir hadn’t seen it in such a long time that she had to really think about it for a while before she remembered that yeah, it had always been such a dark shade of black. Just realizing that she’d barely recognized her wife’s car made Ymir’s mood drop low.

She climbed out of her car on shaky legs, but steeled her nerves and headed inside. To her surprise she heard the tapping of nails on wood and their three dogs came running down the hallway, eyes wide with excitement. A rush of happiness filled Ymir at the sight of them.

“Hey babies,” she greeted them eagerly, laughing. Spot, the oldest of the three, a full bred Pitbull, wiggled her butt as well as her tail and appeared to be resisting the urge to jump up on her. The other two, Fluffy, a Border collie mix, and Scar, a mix of what was possibly every breed of dog, wiggled beside Spot, crying softly and staring up at her with their big, brown eyes. Ymir had trained them well not to jump on her, or anyone, even when they were beyond exited. That usually meant that they would all just sit and wiggle around until someone gave them a pat on the head, so Ymir gave in and dropped down onto her knees. The dogs knew that that gave them permission, and so they bounded forward to paw at Ymir’s legs and lick her neck.

Spot was the wettest when it came to her kisses, but Scar had the sharpest nails. Fluffy was the most excited out of all of them, and she all but climbed into Ymir’s arms to lick her squarely on the cheek.

“You guys really missed me, huh?” she laughed, scratching them each equally. She struggled for balance as Spot stood on her leg. “I missed you guys too.” She pressed a kiss to each of their little heads, laughing softly when they only exploded into another bout of whimpering and vibrating.

XxX

Historia heard the sound of Ymir’s laughter, but she didn’t open her eyes at first. There was no way Ymir would be home so soon, was there? She rolled over onto her back and felt around for Spot, but realized that all three dogs had left the room. Ever since Ymir had left, Historia had decided to bend the rules and let the dogs sleep on the bed with her. They were exceptionally clean thanks to Ymir’s dedication—reminding Historia that she never had time for them—and they offered the comfort that she severely needed.

Ymir’s voice floated in through her open doorway again, as well as the dogs’ excited whines and the scrape of their nails on the wooden floor. Her heart shot up into her throat. Ymir was back?

She hesitantly climbed out of bed, quickly fixed her hair and sleep shirt, and then padded out into the hallway. Just as she had hoped, Ymir was on her knees by the front door, grinning broadly as she petted and scratched the dogs’ heads and sides. When she gave them each a gentle kiss on the head, Historia decided to make herself known and left the shadow of the hallway.

“You’re back,” she said quietly.

Ymir’s happiness dried away instantly. Any relief Historia had felt fled with it. “Historia.” Ymir straightened and frowned at her. “I’m surprised you’re at home.”

Historia rubbed a hand against her sore temple where a headache was already pounding and headed to the back door, opening it for the dogs to run outside. Once they did, she closed the door behind them and grabbed for a glass. The headache was steadily growing worse.

“Migraine,” she explained softly. “Ilse forced me to stay home today.”

Ymir exhaled slowly. “Right.”

Historia swallowed some medication and washed the cup by the sink. Afterwards she twisted around and folded her arms across her chest, then gave Ymir her most serious stare. “Where were you?”

Ymir at least looked somewhat guilty. “I drove somewhere nine hours out. Stayed in a motel for a bit. I came back yesterday.”

Anger and hurt bloomed in her chest. “Let me guess, you went to Nanaba before me?”

Ymir shoved her hands into her pockets. She was starting to look less guilty and more agitated. Before long, Historia knew, she would be angry.

“At least they look forward to seeing me,” Ymir spat angrily. “Not like you tried to call and find out where I am.”

“I knew you wouldn’t answer my calls, so Ilse kept me updated.”

Ymir covered her face with her hand and inhaled deeply. “I didn’t come here to do this.”

“Do what?” Historia pushed away from the counter and paused right in front of Ymir. Ymir uncovered her face and glared down at her. “Why did you even come back, Ymir? You don’t look happy to see me at all.”

Ymir narrowed her eyes. “I’m not,” she bit out. “I haven’t been for a while.”

Historia recoiled. “Did you… did you really just say that?”

“Yes, Historia. I don’t really feel anything for you anymore. That’s why I came back.”

Historia clenched her hands into shaking fists. _Is she going to say it’s over? That the past eleven years are nothing to her now?_ She felt the weight of her wedding ring on her finger, almost pulling her down into the floor, sinking down, down, down until she touched lava and dissolved into nothing. Her throat felt too tight, her heart hurt. “What are you saying?”

Ymir levelled her with a look. “The past eleven years with you were the best of my life,” Ymir started. Historia’s stomach clenched hard. “And I’m not sure if throwing them away is the right thing to do. I… Historia, I do still care about you. I don’t think I like you much anymore. But I care. I married you all those years ago, I loved you for all of them. I think we need to go to a counsellor.”

Historia felt tears prick at her eyes. An emotion she hadn’t felt welled up inside of her—affection for Ymir. “I thought you were going to say we should divorce,” she said tearfully, sniffing. “I… I was so scared.”

Ymir looked away and shifted her feet. “I don’t think that’s the answer.” A pause. “Yet.”

Historia nodded. “When do we go?”

Ymir shrugged. “Once we call and make an appointment, I guess.”

“Do you really think it will work?”

Ymir turned to look at her, and for the first time in a year, it felt like she was finally _looking_ at her again. When she nodded, Historia offered a weak smile. “We can only try,” Ymir told her. “We owe it to the promises we made.”

Historia lifted her hand and spread her fingers out. She stared at the ring there. They had made many grand, impossible promises. It felt like each one sat heavily on her shoulders. As if sensing her immense distress, Ymir gently touched a finger to her ring.

“For what it’s worth,” Ymir said softly. “I’m sorry.”

Historia wanted to cry. She didn’t. “Me too, Ymir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-;
> 
> Next chapter brings us to STEP 1! Prepare your buttholes for Hange ;)


	6. Step 1: Part 1

“Can you put that off?”

Ymir stopped tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, grin turning into a frown. She sighed and switched the radio off. Historia was in an absolutely horrific mood, the one specific mood Ymir couldn’t stand. They’d gone to sleep separately, Historia in the bed and Ymir on the couch, and when they’d woken Historia had looked like death. Ymir didn’t know if it was from the migraine or the fact that they were going to counselling, or what, but Historia looked ready to kill. Right now her hit list had one name: Ymir’s.

“You seem peachy today,” she couldn’t help but comment.

Historia shot her an angry look. “Shut up, Ymir. I’m not in the mood.”

“Shut up?” She gripped onto the wheel a little tighter. “I’m not one of your little minions that you can just order around.”

“Not. In. The. Mood.”

Ymir opened her mouth to shoot back with something sarcastic, but Historia’s cold blue eyes cut right through her and she thought better of it. She returned her attention to the road and focused on quietly counting to ten, heart rate slowly going down. Just when she felt that she wasn’t about to explode, Historia’s phone started ringing. It was shrill and annoying, and just hearing it made Ymir’s mood crash even more.

“Historia Reiss,” she said firmly into her phone. She paused and listened, but Ymir could just sense the anger and frustration mounting and emanating off of her. It filled the car, so Ymir opened her window and cooled off slightly with the breeze hitting her skin. “Are you so incompetent that you couldn’t handle this yourself?” Historia growled. “No, I know, and I don’t care. I gave this position to you because I thought you could handle it.” She released a frustrated noise. “Fine! Give me twenty minutes. Do not fuck up even more before I get there.”

Ymir’s heart dropped. “Oh fuck no,” she said. “You’re not skipping out on this.”

Historia started tapping away at her phone. “I don’t care. We can reschedule. Turn around and take me to Reiss Corp.”

Ymir pressed down on the gas. “Fuck no. We’re going.”

“Ymir, I swear to god.” She turned her body to fully face Ymir. “Turn this car around! I need to head in to work.”

Ymir refused to look at her. “No.”

“Ymir! You have no idea what it’s like being CEO of a huge company like Reiss Corp. You think it’s all fun and games because my father is there? Well guess what, he isn’t. Most of the time he’s out with his buddies playing golf, or taking my mother to Hawaii. He assigns all of _his_ work to me. I need to go to work. _Now._ ”

Ymir wasn’t deterred. “And I don’t care either. You can call Ilse and tell her how to handle the situation.” She stopped at a red light and finally turned to Historia. She looked absolutely livid. “You need to decide right now. Me or work.”

“I can’t believe you!” Her cheeks and ears went pink with anger. “I do so fucking much, only to have you treat me like—”

“I have the fucking divorce papers, Historia!” Ymir yelled. She slammed her fists against the wheel and inhaled deeply. Historia went silent. When she chanced a look, Historia had gone pale. “Yeah, that’s right. I have them. And I’ll go right to work and sign them if you insist.”

“Ymir… you can’t… you can’t blackmail me like this!”

“Oh yes I fucking can, Historia. This is our fucking marriage. Decide. Now.”

The light turned green and Ymir sped forward. She ground her teeth together, stomach roiling. She was ready. If Historia decided her work was worth more, Ymir would completely give up and move on. She was _not_ ready for Historia to constantly reschedule on her.

“Fine.” It was so soft that Ymir nearly missed it. “I’ll make a plan.”

Ymir exhaled slowly and eased up on her speed. Historia started making calls, voice now soft and defeated. Ymir wondered still if this was even worth it.

XxX

Hange was as wild looking as Ymir remembered, but this time she sported a mighty smug grin. She stared at them from her seat in front of them, so silent and still that Ymir felt _very_ uncomfortable. She started second guessing herself. Had this really been a good idea? Should she have maybe just dropped Historia off at work and gone to sign those papers?

“I’m very glad to see you here today,” Hange finally spoke. “Not glad that you’ve reached the point that you need me, but glad that it was me you came to.” She crossed a leg over the other and fully rested back in her seat. Ymir felt slightly more comfortable. “I see you both definitely need my help.”

Historia immediately went pink. “Excuse me?”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Don’t take your anger out on other people. It’s rude.”

Historia turned to her, glaring, but she didn’t say anything else because she knew Ymir was right. She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed like a child. Ymir wanted to delicately caress Historia throat with her fingertips, then throttle the life out of her. She resisted—barely. Hange must have sensed the aggression coming off of her, because she narrowed her eyes slightly and nodded to herself.

“Right. Before we begin, I would like you to please fill in these forms. They include a contract and an easy to read guide on what I will be doing to help save your marriage.”

She leaned over and handed two stacks of papers over. Ymir wanted to groan—she fucking hated contracts and guides, but Historia seemed interested. She immediately started going through the papers, so Ymir decided not to even bother and simply grabbed for a pen to start filling in. If Historia found anything unsavoury in the contract, she would say so immediately.

“I’ll leave you two to it, then,” Hange told them, smiling. “Merely tell me when you’re done.” Then she pulled a novel out of her coat and began reading. Ymir blinked.

“Are we… are we just supposed to fill this in?”

Hange nodded, flipped a page. “Yup. Just for now.”

She sighed. Alright then. Ymir started on the questionnaire, but frowned at some of the questions.

_What was the location of your very first meeting?_

_At what point in your acquaintanceship/friendship/relationship did you feel you were in love?_

_What was the first thing that struck you about your spouse(s)?_

Ymir frowned deeply. These were awfully personal questions, but she supposed Hange wanted to know the intimate details of their failing marriage. So with a reluctant sigh, she started scrawling in her answers. Historia was still reading over the contract and hadn’t even looked at the questionnaire yet. When Ymir reached about halfway, Historia sat up straighter and cleared her throat.

“Excuse me, Miss Zoe?”

Hange lifted her eyes. “Please, just call me Hange.”

“It says here that no funds are required until the completion of step ten, and that if completion is not reached, no payment is expected. Is there any catch?”

Hange adjusted her glasses and Ymir merely watched their exchange in-between writing in her answers. “Well, my belief is that if my ten step system does not fix what has fissured between the two of you, then even if we have gone through the previous nine steps, I have failed in my job. You are here for my assistance, and I am here to give it in full seriousness. If I fail you, how can I expect to take your money and your marriage?”

Ymir stopped writing and watched Historia’s reaction. She looked a little perplexed. “May I see your licence for this?”

Hange barked out a long laugh. “Yes, of course!” She pointed over her shoulder to a bunch of frames hanging on the walls, all containing various certificates. Historia studied them intently. “I’m fully qualified to help you here, I promise. I’m surprised that you haven’t heard of me before.”

Ymir went back to writing. “Sounds fun,” she muttered to herself.

“And what are these ten steps exactly?” Historia asked. Apparently she had completed her thorough examination of the contract, but she wasn’t signing or tossing it away just yet.

“I’m afraid one guideline is that I cannot reveal these steps to you until we reach them. Once you have gone through and signed the contract, and answered the questionnaire, we can proceed to step one.”

“I see.”

Ymir snorted. That was totally code for ‘I think you’re an idiot but I’ll humour you’. Historia had used it enough times on her for Ymir to know. She finally reached the end of her questions and handed the papers, contract signed, back to Hange. “Just do it, Historia,” Ymir told her. “If we fail at least we don’t have to pay.”

Historia looked like she wanted to argue, but Hange’s next words interrupted her.

“Oh, I really don’t think you know me very well.” She grinned, all teeth. “I have never had a failed marriage on my watch.”

Ymir sat back, an eyebrow lifted. “No shit, really? How many couples have you counselled?”

Hange took a moment. “Two-hundred-and-thirty-six. You two are the thirty seventh.” She smiled like that was both an impressive feat and another mundane fact. Ymir was sure her eyebrows were comically high.

“How many do you council at a time?” Historia asked. Even she seemed a little in awe.

“Only one.”

Historia went quiet. Ymir glanced at her watch and noted they’d been there for an hour already. She had thing she needed to do, but the appointment was two hours long. She hoped they finished soon. Eventually Historia quietly paged through the questionnaire, and then she started answering and finally she signed the contract. When she handed both over to Hange, she looked a little less angry.

“So what now?” Ymir asked.

“Now,” Hange started, “we begin with step one!”

Hange slipped all the papers into a file and set them aside. She then pulled out two small pamphlets and handed them over. “A short explanation of what is expected of you during step one, and all rules and guidelines. Take a moment to read it, then hit me with any questions you have.”

Ymir opened the pamphlet and started reading. Her brows furrowed as she did.

_Step 1: Separation is for the best_

_One individual is to move out of the shared house, taking with them each and every personal belonging. For the full duration of a month, both individuals are to remain completely separate from each other. Avoid all locations both might frequent, and do not contact each other. A time and place will be given over, set for the last day of the month._

Ymir felt confused. “You want us to completely separate?”

“For a full month?” Historia tacked on.

Hange nodded. “Yes. Now that you’ve signed the contract, you are expected to follow my rules. By tonight one of you needs to be moved out. I will also be contacting you towards the end of the month, providing a specific location and a time.”

“For what?” Ymir asked.

Hange grinned. “Now that, Ymir, is for step two.” She clapped her hands together and stood from her chair. “Keep in touch with me if you have any questions at all. For now, use that pamphlet and get started on step one. Remember, for this month the two of you are strangers. You are single and free. Live like it, act like it. If you break any of the rules, I will instantly know, and there will be consequences.”

Ymir studied Hange very carefully, but she seemed _very_ serious. Ymir swallowed. What the fuck had they just gotten themselves into?


	7. Step 1: Part 2

_“Ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”  
– Khalil Gibran_

Ymir was the one that moved out. The house was in Historia’s name, and she had paid in full for it. Ymir had argued with her to pay for half, but with the sort of wealth that Historia’s family had, she had easily lost that argument. She stayed by Nanaba’s, since she wasn’t entirely sure what Hange’s plan was, and she didn’t want to sign a contract for a new flat, only to need to move back in.

It was… exceptionally freeing, to be away from Historia and that house. The first few nights had been difficult, because Ymir had grown so used to sleeping next to Historia even when they hadn’t even touched. It was a little sombre to slide into her own bed and lay there, soaking in the silence.

Nanaba and Ilse were very happy that they were doing this, so they weren’t bothered about letting Ymir stay with them for however long she needed. Ymir just missed the dogs.

Work was the usual, but Ymir found that she put in less overtime and actually wanted to leave earlier. Nanaba was an amazing cook, and the banter between the three of them meant that dinner was quite fun, almost every night. Even when they had take-out. Ymir was waking up in better moods and going through her days with a genuine smile on her face.

She missed Historia. She missed the permanence and the familiarity. But, she knew, she was glad to be away from her.

“What are you thinking so hard about? You look like you’re taking a shit.”

Ymir turned to Hange, who was standing beside her and grinning. “Are you stalking me?”

Hange chuckled and plopped down on the seat beside her. “I most definitely am. You’ve come here almost every morning now. Is their food good?”

Ymir nodded. “A friend of mine opened this place. Food was always a passion of hers.”

Hange’s smile had something hidden behind it. “So, how is the single life treating you?”

Were visits like these part of the program? Ymir looked away and focused on finishing her omelette. It was a rare off day, and with Nanaba’s assurance that the shop wouldn’t burn down, Ymir had gone to her favourite restaurant. She was seated outside, enjoying the sun and the breeze. She sucked in a soft breath. “Wonderfully,” she said.

Hange hummed. “That’s good. What have you been doing with yourself these past three weeks?”

Ymir swallowed the last of her omelette. “Well, I’ve been focusing on work, but also on myself. Been working out again, eating better. My nights are filled with laughter, because the people I live with are hilarious. I never realized how miserable I was before.” She paused. “I don’t know if I ever want to go back to her.”

“We’ll see about that.” Hange stood, grinning. She held a piece of paper out. “An invitation for you.”

Ymir furrowed her brows and took the paper. Hange turned and left then, striding confidently down the sidewalk until she disappeared. Ymir stared after her, puzzled. She almost forgot about the paper in her confusion. She opened it cautiously, unsure what to find.

‘ _Ymir, you are invited to dinner at the Grand Blue at exactly 19:00 on the 31st. Dress semi-formal. Be dashing. We’ll be waiting – H.”_

Ymir’s stomach did a flip, but of course, the ‘H’ only stood for Hange.

XxX

Historia hated going home. Her only consolation were the dogs, but even they seemed sad and unsure. Ymir had always been their favourite, and since she couldn’t take them with, they’d had to stay. The house felt almost too empty with all of Ymir’s stuff gone. Whatever remained just reminded Historia of her parents’ money, and that was enough to sour her mood immediately. Ymir took up so much presence. Without her there, the house felt way bigger and vacant than it was.

Historia was in her study. It was almost ten at night, and she was pouring over staff forms and CVs. Since her father didn’t want to do this, it was up to her. As much as she usually hated it, it was at least something to take her mind off of the blaring silence and emptiness around her.

The dogs started to bark. Historia heard the sound of their nails scraping on the wooden floor as they all ran towards the front door. They were not barking in joy, though, so she stood in alarm and cautiously made her way to the door. In one of the dog’s mouth was an envelope, and Historia quickly retrieved it before it could be swallowed. Was it shoved under the door?

“What is this?” she asked out loud, crouched low and scratching the dogs behind their ears. She managed to open the envelope one handed, and read the contents within.

‘ _You have been eagerly invited to a lovely dinner at Grand Blue, 19:00 sharp. Wear a lovely dress, not too formal, but not too sexy either. We’ll be waiting – H.’_

Historia furrowed her brows. The date was for the 31st, and there were no other instructions. Why the hell had this been delivered so late, though? The dogs had been sleeping a moment ago. She sighed in resignation and stood to head into the lounge. She had made a fire at the fireplace and settled the dogs’ beds nearby for warmth. The room was dim, but there was enough light to easily see where she was walking. All three dogs immediately settled back on their bed, and then they stared up at her, innocent eyes wide and expectant.

“What?” she asked them. They didn’t respond, of course, but Scar’s tail started to lazily thump. Spot released a soft whine. “Oh, fine.”

She grabbed her lounge blanket and curled up in the carpet beside them. All three wiggled over to her, licking her neck and hands and whining softly in joy. When they finally relaxed, they were all cuddled together on top of Historia’s chest. The blanket was wrapped around them. They fell asleep almost immediately.

Historia stared up at the ceiling. The soft crackling from the fire, the dim light and the sensation of warmth and affection from the dogs made her anxiety and unease completely melt away. She gently stroked Fluffy’s soft fur, realizing that like this, the emptiness didn’t bother her that much.

_God, their names are awful,_ she thought to herself, laughing out loud. _Ymir should have never been in charge of naming the dogs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally didn't forget about this fic...


	8. Step 2

“I do believe you have somewhere to be.”

Historia sighed and continued scribbling her signature on a project proposal. “I know I gave you access to my office, but that doesn’t mean I want you to actually take advantage of it.”

Hange sauntered into the room and dropped down in the chair in front of Historia’s desk. “It’s already 7, Historia.”

She knew. She shoved her papers away and pulled her laptop closer. Her email was full already, and she started sorting through the spam, the annoying and the official stuff she actually needed to respond to. “I know. My father went on another trip out of the country. He left his workload to me.”

Hange hummed softly. She didn’t say anything more, and Historia really hoped that she would give up and leave. So what if she didn’t show up? It wasn’t the end of the world. “We can reschedule or something,” she suggested.

They remained in uncomfortable silence while Historia typed out a long rejection email to the son of one of her father’s friends. She did not hire based on lineage. He had his matric, but he was as stupid as a bat otherwise. Hange just sat there, though, staring at her as calmly as ever. Wasn’t she upset? Annoyed?

When she finished the email, she viciously stabbed the enter key and then sat back, glaring. “Stop staring at me like that,” she growled.

“Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” Hange asked her.

Historia pressed her lips together. “Of course it does! You’re just… just sitting there, staring!”

Hange stood and sat down on the corner of the table. “And why do you think it bothers you? Because you know you’re choosing your work over your wife?”

Her chest tightened. Hange wasn’t being angry, or spiteful. She simply sounded curious. How the fuck did she manage to get to the root of the problem so quickly? It felt like her claws had just dug deep into Historia’s chest.

“I’m not—”

“Ymir is already waiting for you, alone,” Hange interrupted. “Yes you are.”

Historia imaged Ymir sitting in the restaurant alone, getting angrier by the second, going home and grabbing those divorce papers. She really needed to do her work, but she also didn’t want a divorce. Guilt rushed up inside of her.

“Fine,” she finally exclaimed, slamming her laptop shut. “But I can’t stay too long. I need to come back to work right after.”

Hange gave her a brilliant smile. “That’s all we need. Here.” She held out a dress hanging on a coat hanger. “Change in your office. I’ll be down in the parking lot, ready to drive you.”

“I can drive myself.”

Hange handed the dress over. “Then I’ll just wait to drive behind you.”

She felt like a child needing to be watched, but she slipped the dress on—glad that she already had heels on—and ran her fingers through her hair. She wasn’t wearing any makeup or jewellery, so Ymir would just have to deal with it. She was sacrificing a night of sleep for this.

Once she was done getting dressed, she left her office and closed the door behind her. She noticed that Ilse was still at her desk, staring intently at her screen.

“Why aren’t you home yet?” she asked her.

Ilse didn’t even glance up. “You have extra work to do, which means I have to work harder to help you out. You have somewhere to be, right?” She finally looked up and smiled at her. “I’ll sort out the last of your work. Head home when you’re done with dinner.”

Historia opened her mouth to protest, but Ilse went back to work and there was nothing she could say. Ilse was definitely her second in command when her father wasn’t there, and it touched her deeply that Ilse was willing to stay all night to do work that wasn’t even her own. Instead of arguing, Historia thanked her and then headed for the parking lot.

Hange whistled when she saw her. “You look beautiful.”

For the first time in a long time, Historia blushed. “Thanks.” She climbed into her car and eyed Hange’s behind her. She sighed. “Right, let’s do this.”

XxX

Ymir was very, very, very ready to go straight home and go to sleep. She had been waiting for a full hour now, and the restaurant wouldn’t let her inside without her date. They said that was the requirement. What the fuck was that? Why the fuck couldn’t she just go inside and wait for her damn wife, even if she was alone? At least she could order something to eat and not stand around feeling like there was a hole in her stomach.

_Where the fuck is she?_

Hange had promised that Historia would show up. Had even said she would personally oversee it, but Ymir hadn’t received any calls or messages and there was no sign of either Hange or Historia. She felt like a right tit, standing around there for what was most likely nothing. Historia was probably planning on spending the night at work, and when she realized it was time to actually meet up, it would be too late. Ymir’s stomach churned and she clenched her hands into fists. She walked over to the nearby railing and glanced down at the calm lake water.

The Grand Blue was a lakeside restaurant that catered to the richest of the rich. Ymir felt like the area was vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t really pinpoint how. But it was calming to stare down at the water, hear the soft swish of the wind in the trees. It wasn’t that dark, since the area was lit by bright street lights. It was getting a little nippy, though. Ymir glanced at her watch again.

20:09.

She rubbed a hand over her face, exhausted.

“I’m sorry that I’m late.”

Ymir turned. Historia stood there, framed by a halo of pale light. She looked tired and irritated, but she was definitely beautiful in that dress. Ymir inhaled sharply at the memory that suddenly assaulted her, and she realized exactly why she knew this place.

_Ymir could hardly believe that she had been brave enough to ask Historia Reiss out. Historia, the daughter of the richest man in their town. Why the Reiss family had moved here was a mystery, but Mr Reiss seemed pretty interested in starting a business here, and Ymir had heard her parents arguing about the merits of a Reiss owning any of the land._

_She stared down at the lake water and exhaled through her nose. She was shaking. Her fingers were almost knocking together and her knees were jiggling. She couldn’t remember when last someone had made her feel like this. There were one or two growing up, but Ymir had never been interested in people enough to date. That was until Historia walked into her life, and Ymir was damn smitten from the first moment._

_“I’m sorry that I’m late.”_

_Ymir whirled around, heart climbing into her throat. Historia was smiling shyly at her. Her eyes were so beautiful underneath the sunlight, and her hair glowed like soft gold. Ymir suddenly wanted to write poetry, so she swallowed hard and flashed what she hoped was a cool smile._

_“Nah, I was a bit early anyway.”_

_Historia’s smile grew. “So what do you have in mind?”_

_Ymir shakily drew in a breath. “There’s not much to do in this dump of a town,” she said. “But I figured we could maybe take a walk and feed the ducks.”_

_Historia regarded her for a moment, pure curiosity in her eyes, and then she beamed and reached out with one hand. Ymir’s heart fluttered when their skin touched. “That sounds really nice,” Historia told her. “I’ve never done something like this on a date before.”_

_Ymir’s cheeks burned, and she knew without a doubt that she would love Historia Reiss until her last breath._

Ymir pushed the memory away and stepped away from the railing. She shoved her hands into her jean pockets. She was wearing a black button up, the top button left undone and the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, but Historia didn’t seem to notice.

“It’s not like I expected you to be early,” Ymir shot back. Historia’s lips turned downward, but before she could open her mouth and make Ymir even angrier than she was, Ymir headed for the door. “Let’s just get this over with.”

They were allowed in and escorted to a table reserved just for them, and they took a long time looking over the menu. Hange had said she would pay for their dinner, so Ymir didn’t mind looking at the pricier dishes. Though Historia wouldn’t have a problem either way. Eventually they placed their orders, and then they sat in awkward silence and looked everywhere but at each other.

Ymir’s phone buzzed with a message.

**_Hange:_ ** _Please talk to her. Say anything you think may open up a safe conversation. You both look constipated from here._

Ymir frowned and looked around them, but didn’t see Hange close by. She put her phone away and sighed. “So…” she started, wracking her brain for anything to say. She didn’t want to ask about work, because that was always the root of their problem, and so was asking about her parents. “How are the babies doing?”

Historia was tapping away at her phone. “They’re okay. They miss you.” She didn’t look up from her phone.

“At least someone does,” Ymir spat bitterly.

“As soon as you’re allowed you should take them for a bit,” Historia added.

Ymir’s irritation increased. “Why, ‘cause they’re too much work for you?”

Historia finally looked up from her phone, frowning. “What?” She seemed to finally realize the state of Ymir’s mood, and in turn hers darkened. “Do you seriously think I would want to get rid of our dogs?”

Ymir released a short laugh. “Of course I would. You wouldn’t even hesitate.” She leaned forward. “If you get rid of them, I’ll never forgive you.”

Historia’s cheeks reddened with anger. “What is the point of me even being here if you’re going to sit there and treat me like this?”

Ymir threw her hands up. “I don’t fucking know! Are you really here, Historia?” She suddenly lashed out and grabbed the phone from Historia’s hands. “You’ve been glued to this fucking thing since we sat down.”

“Hey! Give that back!” Historia tried to grab for it, but Ymir’s arms were way longer and she kept it out of her reach.

“I have half a fucking mind to dump this in my water. Don’t test me.”

Historia sat back, huffing. “You’re such a child.”

“And you’re a bitch.”

Ymir angrily dropped the phone down onto the table and then crossed her arms over her chest. She turned her body as much as she could so that she didn’t have to even look at Historia’s face. When their food arrived their waiter looked nervous, and Ymir knew that everyone in the goddamn restaurant had witnessed their scene. She hated herself and Historia.

They ate angrily and silently, and Ymir barely even tasted the food. She just chewed, swallowed and repeated the process. She wasn’t even sure how much time had passed before their dessert arrived, and she realized that she hadn’t even looked at Historia once. Reluctantly she lifted her eyes, and her heart sank.

Historia was half-heartedly poking at her cake, but her usually beautiful blue eyes were filled with sadness. They were the sort of shade of blue that told Ymir that Historia was one more insult away from breaking down and crying. Despite her anger and her bitterness, she felt bad.

“Do you remember what this place used to be?” she asked softly.

Historia sniffled. “No.”

“A park.” She stabbed her cake and watched the warm chocolate ooze out onto the plate. “When this city was just a town. I took you here for our first date. We spent all morning walking along the trails and feeding the ducks.”

Historia’s brows drew together. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.” She smiled slightly. “You were chased by that mother duck halfway across the park.”

Ymir laughed suddenly. “Shit, yeah. I forgot about that! I still hate ducks. Those fuckers are always happy to fucking chase me even when I’ve done nothing wrong.”

The mood lifted slightly and Historia laughed softly as well. She ate a few mouthfuls of cake before speaking again. “Only you have the ability to piss of every duck you meet.”

Ymir snorted. “Pissing things off is a talent, I guess.”

They grew silent again. The well of things to talk about completely dried up, but Ymir at least felt less like a jackass. Historia didn’t touch her phone again for a while as they ate their cake and finished off their drinks, and then when their plates were whisked away her phone rang and she didn’t even hesitate to answer it. Her eyes widened and she shot Ymir a look, but Ymir just shrugged. There was no changing things.

“Historia,” she answered. “Ilse?” She turned away and lowered her voice, and Ymir couldn’t hear what she was saying. She tried to eavesdrop, but only got a word or too and none of it made sense. She’d watched Historia on these calls long enough to decipher them from Historia’s body language, though, so she knew Historia had to head back to work before she even ended the call. Historia turned to her, face apologetic.

Ymir stood before she could say anything. “We should probably go. It’s late. I’ll walk you out.”

Historia nodded silently and followed her from the table. The weather outside had gotten slightly colder, and Ymir wished she had thought to bring a jacket. Historia wrapped her arms around herself, and her hair whipped violently about her face. They walked up to their cars—where they had somehow parked next to each other—and then they faced each other awkwardly.

“Well…”

“Uh…”

Ymir ran a hand through her hair. “See you around.”

She turned and climbed into her car, and watched Historia drive away. She felt surprisingly empty inside, so she sighed to herself and then made the drive home in silence.


	9. Step 3: Part 1

She received the next step through email this time, a week after that awkward dinner with Historia. Ymir briefly wondered if all ten steps would simply be various dates at different restaurants, because step three told them to meet up at six P.M at a restaurant called Disco. What the hell type of name is that?

Ymir only got the email at five P.M. Was Hange mad? Ymir groaned long and loud.

“Ymir, what’s wrong? I can hear your groaning from the kitchen.”

She lifted her head and saw Nanaba staring at her from the kitchen doorway. “I’m pretty sure this marriage counsellor is an idiot,” Ymir told her. “Or just completely mad.”

Nanaba frowned and walked over to her. She had an apron on with a cute bear on the front, which really didn’t suit her but was clearly bought by Ilse, and of course Nanaba would wear it without question. “What is she making you do now?”

“Another date night,” Ymir whined. “If I knew taking Historia out on dates could mend our marriage, I would have done it myself instead of going to some nut job.”

Nanaba pointed a wooden spoon at her face. “Now, don’t knock it yet. I like that she’s making you guys start at the beginning. I mean, think about it, when last did the two of you actually spend time together since your marriage problems started?”

Ymir thought about it and drew a blank. “I mean, a while… but that isn’t the point. I don’t even know what to say to her. We either fight or we just sit there and sulk. I hate it.”

“Are you going to quit then?”

Ymir slid her laptop shut with a sigh. “No,” she said. “I made a vow and I’m keeping to it. I might not love Historia anymore, but I still made a point to at least try.” She stood. “Now, help me find a sexy pair of shorts.”

Nanaba snorted. “Sexy shorts? Do those even exist?”

“Yeah, the super tight, really short ones. Maybe I’ll show off some leg, make Historia remember what she’s missing.”

Nanaba outright laughed then. “Or terrify her with the Wookie living on your legs.” She laughed again when Ymir slapped her shoulder and retreated to the kitchen, so impressed with her own joke that she simply continued to laugh.

“My legs are _not_ that hairy!” Ymir rolled her eyes and hurried to her bedroom to find some casual clothes.

XxX

Historia’s personal phone rang, but she ignored it.

“Uh, shouldn’t you get that?” Ilse asked

The phone continued to ring, but Historia only shrugged her shoulders and continued typing away at her computer. “It’s my personal phone,” she explained.

Ilse didn’t seem placated. “What if it’s Ymir?”

Sighing, Historia stopped typing and sent Ilse a look. The phone finally stopped vibrating. They stared at each other in silence, then the phone started ringing again. Their eyes remained locked, Ilse narrowed hers and then Historia looked away and sighed again.

“Fine,” she grumbled, reaching for the offending device. It wasn’t Ymir’s number, or even saved on her phone. She didn’t recognize it. “Hello?”

Someone immediately yelled into her ear, almost causing her to throw her phone across the room. “Aren’t you excited?!” they yelled again, so loudly that even Ilse could hear it from her seat across Historia.

“Wow,” Ilse mouthed in shock.

Historia sighed deeply. She knew that voice, and on some level, the screaming too. She pressed the phone against her ear again. “Was that really necessary?” she asked. “And why are you calling me?”

Hange hummed as if in deep thought about that question. “Well, step three is in effect right now. How close are you to finishing your work?”

Historia’s stomach dropped. “Nuh-uh, I can’t do this again. I have too much to do.”

“Historia, you signed a contract.”

“I have a job.”

“And a wife, too.”

Historia remained silent. She tried to ignore Ilse’s knowing look—she could of course hear every word Hange said—but the guilt was starting and it grated on her damn nerves. She remembered the last time she had seen Ymir, a week ago. Even though they had fought as usual, they had actually spoken pleasantly, had remembered their first date. She really, really didn’t want to throw this marriage away. She just… wasn’t sure what on her part she needed to do. But if it was complying to this dumb ten step system, then so be it. Historia closed her laptop, shut her PC off and stood from her chair.

“Fine,” she said. “What do I need to do?”

XxX

Historia had never been to Disco before, quite obviously. It wasn’t her scene at all. Not only was she completely uncomfortable, but she was also slightly overdressed. Ymir had shown up in a t-shirt and shorts and she looked relaxed, if a bit bored.

Living up to its odd name, the restaurant had a large dance floor right in the centre, with a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. The waiters all had whacky hairstyles and outfits, and music from the 70s played from speakers all over. It set such a weird atmosphere that Historia didn’t even feel hungry. Ymir seemed to be, since she was intently studying the menu.

“None of this looks appetising,” she finally said, setting the menu down with a sigh. “What the hell is Hange thinking?”

Historia ran a hand through her hair. “Right? This place is so weird.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if a group of clowns suddenly appeared and started serving tables.”

Historia covered her mouth and giggled just thinking about it. “Honestly, I can see that too.”

Ymir smiled at her. It had been so long since Ymir had just smiled, more specifically at her, that Historia never realized how much she had missed it. Her heart gave a steady thump and she cleared her throat. “We should probably order something.”

Ymir nodded. “Maybe we should just sneak out and get some MacDonald’s.”

Their waiter appeared suddenly, grinning so wide it must have hurt. “Good evening ladies, I have been told to deliver this message to you.” He set a paper down on the table. “Are you ready to order?”

Ymir reached for the paper as Historia gave her order. When the waiter left, Historia curiously looked over at Ymir and saw that she was glaring at the paper. “What?” she asked.

“That weirdo freaks me out,” Ymir muttered. She turned the paper so Historia could see.

_‘Please remain seated for the duration of your dinner. You may not leave until you’ve eaten, conversed and the bill has been settled. Enjoy! – H.’_

Ymir made a show of shivering. “How the fuck did she know?”

Historia hid a smile behind her hand. “Maybe she bugged the table.” They locked eyes. The suggestion actually didn’t sound out of character. Ymir opened her mouth to say something, but then suddenly a voice boomed over the speakers and her mouth clicked shut.

“Alright, all of you lovely couples! Before your dinner is served, it’s time to _dance!_ ”

Their waiter whisked past, dropping another paper as he did. Ymir hissed. “Where the fuck is she?”

Historia took the paper this time and opened it with hesitation. Her heart started beating nervously. “Ymir,” she said softly, garnering her attention. “You might not like this.” Ymir looked at her and she turned the paper so that she could read.

_‘Oh, by the way, dancing before eating is mandatory. You literally can’t refuse. I’m watching. – H’_


	10. Step 3: Part 2

“Watching?” Ymir snarled, eyes flitting across the room. “From where the fuck?”

Historia sighed. She looked tired, but Ymir correctly assumed that it was from work. This entire evening was getting on her nerves. Not only did she feel bored as fuck, but Historia was making her feel like she would rather be anywhere else than there. But, much to her dismay, Historia stood and gestured to the dance floor. Almost everyone had left their seats and coupled up. There were a few singles, a few groups, but mostly couples. Ymir’s throat bobbed as she swallowed.

“You really want to go along with this?” Ymir asked her.

Irritation flared across Historia’s face. “We signed a contract, as I’ve been constantly reminded. I would much rather be at work than dancing at this weird place with _you_.”

Ymir was surprised by how much the comment stung. Her face grew hot and her stomach clenched, and she knew her expression must have darkened because Historia suddenly looked guilty. She didn’t fight back, though. Instead, she stood, roughly pulled Historia into her arms and then whisked them away. The song was fast and filled with complicated beats, so Ymir danced them hard. Historia kept trying to talk to her, to tell her to slow down or stop, but Ymir ignored her. Thank god there was only one dance. As soon as the announcer told them to return to their tables, Ymir dropped Historia’s arms like she was on fire and briskly walked away. Historia joined her at the table a moment later. Her face was red and flushed and her makeup looked a little ruined.

“You should have changed,” Ymir told her blandly. “Must not have been comfortable doing the bogey in that skirt.”

Historia’s face pulled in anger, but she huffed and looked away. Her phone started to ring— _the_ phone—and to Ymir’s annoyance, she answered it.

“ _What?_ ” Historia suddenly stiffened in her chair, back straightening. Ymir’s stomach dropped. She knew exactly why Historia had gone from angry to at attention. “Father,” Historia breathed. “I apologize. I didn’t realize it was—no. _No_ I’d never!” She flushed deep red. “I understand. Yes. I will, I promise. Goodb—” She lowered the phone and stared at it. Ymir could see tears welling in her eyes and the sight of them sent a throb through her heart. She sighed.

“He should never treat you like that,” Ymir said softly. Historia glanced up at her, eyes sharp. “And don’t snap at me, I’m trying to be nice.”

Historia laughed sardonically. “Nice? Yeah, sure.” She wiped at her eyes and put her phone off.

Sometimes Ymir forgot what a pretentious asshole Historia’s father was. That’s probably where Historia got her attitude, too. When the two of them had just met—Ymir and Historia—Historia had just moved in with her father. She was an illegitimate child born from an affair, but her father had taken her in. He at first refused to really acknowledge her or even give her the promise that she could join his company, like his other kids. But his other children never wanted to follow his footsteps and when he realized he would have no one in the family at the helm, suddenly Historia had been good enough. He left most of the work to her when he was still getting paid and it was still all in his name.

Ymir’s anger melted away completely. “I’m sorry,” she said gently. “For earlier.”

Historia nodded absently. Their food arrived and they ate in silence. Afterwards they ordered desert. Before it arrived, they were told to dance again. This time Ymir held her hand out and Historia took it. They walked together onto the dance floor and then Historia stepped into Ymir’s arms. The song that started was slow, purposeful and solemn.

For the first time in a long time, Ymir’s body reacted to having Historia so near. Her heart gave a steady jump and hope flared in her stomach. “I wish you would quit,” Ymir decided to say. “And work for me or something.”

Historia stared up at her. “Quit as CEO of the biggest company in the city?” She shook her head. “That’s not happening.”

“Money is not an issue here,” Ymir insisted. “You should think about your emotional health.”

“My emotional health is fine. And I don’t care about the money.”

Silence fell over them, filled with all of the words they knew were there, but couldn’t say. Historia stayed because despite how he treated her, she wanted her father’s approval. She would work herself to death one day until he looked at her and said she had done a good job. Ymir couldn’t understand that desire. All her life she’d only ever really looked out for herself. Historia had always been somewhat of an enigma to her. The motivations she could see, but some of them made no sense to her.

“Thank you for caring still,” Historia spoke up suddenly. Her hands on Ymir’s shoulders tightened slightly. “I didn’t think you still do.”

“Of course I still do,” Ymir rushed. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Historia looked up and their gazes locked. They stared at each other, hearts beating, not moving. The song ended abruptly and they were told to return to their table again, for desert. The both of them obeyed, stepped away from each other quickly, eyes darting away. There was already plates on their table when they got there, and a note in Hange’s handwriting.

‘ _Bill taken care of. Enjoy your cake. – H’_

“I guess that means we can leave,” Ymir muttered.

They sat down and ate their cake, neither saying anything. And for some reason they stayed longer than they should have, just watching the dancers, each other. It was weird. Ymir didn’t regret the evening.

XxX

Historia stumbled into her house with a soft curse, kicking off her shoes. She was so uncomfortably sweaty from all the dancing. Plus, she’d had a bit too much wine. Ymir had only drank water and so she offered to drive Historia home. In her slightly drunken state, Historia had happily agreed. Now she was starting to seriously regret it. How was she going to get to work?

Her phone started to right. Fingers shaking, Historia answered it. “Hello?”

“Historia, hey.” It was Ymir. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow and drop you off by your car. The staff at Disco said they’ll make sure it’s watched by their security. Get a good night’s rest.”

Historia’s chest warmed and clenched. Ymir really did still care about her. She always did stuff like this. She acted like a selfish asshole, but went out of her way to help people that she cared about. Historia felt the tears pouring down her cheeks before she even realized that she was crying. She didn’t want Ymir to hear.

“Thank you,” she said, voice tearful. “I really appreciate it.”

“Always, His’,” Ymir responded, voice softening. Historia hadn’t heard her voice that gentle in such a long time. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

Historia sniffled. “Yeah. Of course.”

“Goodnight, Historia.”

She inhaled. “Night, Ymir.”

The call ended and Historia stood there, phone to her ear, tears pouring down her face. She wished things had never gone bad, and that Ymir was just here to hold her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let the feels truly begin

Ymir sat in her car, staring forlornly at what was once _their_ home, but for the past few weeks had been Historia’s. She knew she had offered to pick Historia up, but she regretted it. Why had she been so soft? She was still pissed off at Historia; still furious. But seeing her the night before, the way she had been so sad, so tired, it had cracked something in Ymir’s heart she never knew was able to still crack.

Sighing, Ymir unclipped her seatbelt and climbed out of her car. It felt strange walking up her own driveway as a stranger. Ymir didn’t lie and she didn’t ignore her promises. Stomach rolling, she rang the bell and waited, chewing on the inside of her lip. There was no answer. Five minutes later, still nothing. Ymir grew worried. She kept ringing the bell but Historia didn’t answer. Heart thudding, Ymir pulled her phone out and hit speed-dial. After a few agonizing rings, the call was answered by a muffled groan.

“Historia?” Ymir asked, voice slightly cracking in worry. “Where are you?”

Another moan. “In bed,” she whispered. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

Ymir’s heart sank. “His’, is it a migraine?”

Silence. Seconds passed. “Yeah.” A sigh. “I’ll be there, just wait.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Don’t you dare get out of bed. I know where the emergency key is. I’ll be there now.” Before Historia could argue Ymir ended the call and swiped the key from the top of the door’s archway. When her fingers curled around the key, a memory filled Ymir’s mind. She remembered the day they had bought the house, when Ymir had decided where to keep their key.

_“But I can’t reach it!” Historia had complained, pouting._

_Ymir had laughed. “All the better. The short burglars won’t be able to find it. And…” She had leaned down, pulling Historia closer for a slow, languid kiss. “It means you’ll always keep me around and need me.”_

Ymir swallowed. Why’d she have to remember that?

Historia was in the hallway, a hand plastered to the side of her face, eyes screwed shut. She was clearly trying to walk to the door but she’d stopped halfway.

“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” Ymir grumbled, sweeping Historia into her arms bridal style. Historia groaned.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I tried.”

“Enough of that. I know your migraines get bad. You should never have gotten out of bed. Why didn’t you call me when you woke up?” Her voice was rising with anger. “I swear, it’s like you want to end up dead in a ditch somewhere.” She carried Historia back into the bedroom and carefully deposited her down onto the bed, pulling the blanket up to her chin. She reached in the bedside drawer and pulled out Historia’s medication for her migraines. She popped one pill out and handed it over. Historia obediently slipped it underneath her tongue.

“If that one doesn’t work, take a second one,” Ymir ordered firmly. “And where is your phone? I need to call your office. You aren’t going anywhere today.”

As expected Historia’s eyes flew open. She tried to move but her head must have really hurt, because she winced and dropped back down, hands pressing against her eyes.

“Don’t move and don’t talk, idiot,” Ymir told her. “Just let yourself rest for once in your goddamn life.”

Historia just groaned in pain. Ymir made sure that the blinds were completely shut, bathing them in utter darkness. She then left the room, closing the door softly behind her. She dialed Nanaba first.

“Ymir?” Nanaba answered, voice surprised. “Is everything okay?”

“Listen, can you run the shop for today?”

“Yes of course. What’s wrong?”

Ymir pursed her lips. She didn’t want to admit that she was caring for Historia—like an idiot—but Nanaba would find out from Ilse, and the last thing she wanted was for Nanaba to be mad at her. She sighed. “Historia has a migraine. Stress. It’s a bad one. If I don’t stay here and hiss at her she won’t stay put long enough to recover.”

Nanaba was silent for a long second. She chuckled. “That’s sweet of you. I’ll keep things running until you’re back. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They said their goodbyes and ended the call, but Ymir wasn’t quite done yet. She switched to Historia’s phone and dialed Ilse. The call was answered almost immediately.

“Good morning Historia, what can I do for you?”

“It’s Ymir. Look, Historia is taking a sick day today and tomorrow. Maybe even a day extra. She has a bad migraine.”

“Ymir?!” Ilse’s voice was overly dramatic and shocked. “Is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine. She gets these often because of stress. Can you just make sure she has a free schedule for a few days?”

There was the sound of hurried rustled. “Yes, of course! I might not be able to stop calls to her personal cell, though. Would you be able to just divert them all to me?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Ilse.”

“No Ymir, thank _you_. You don’t have to do this, you know, considering. Historia is very lucky to have you.”

Pain throbbed between her ribs, so Ymir said goodbye and ended the call. She stood in the hallway for a long moment, counting in her head until her emotions settled down. Then she strode towards the back door, swung it open and grinned broadly when her furry babies tackled her to the ground.

XxX

Historia could barely think properly when the pain had started. It woke her up from a deep sleep, actually. Her dreams had been horrible, so when she’d woken with a stabbing pain behind her eyes, she wasn’t surprised. She usually tried not to take her migraine pills. They put her right back to sleep and made sure that she stayed there, so she was fast asleep for hours after Ymir made her take the first pill. When she woke, she wasn’t really sure who or what she was. She could hear voices down the hallway, so she shakily climbed out of bed. Her mouth was dry and foul tasting and her stomach was knotted with hunger.

Her head didn’t hurt so bad that she wanted to puke. It was still throbbing with pain, but it just felt more like an intense headache than a killing migraine. The light pierced her eyes, making her flinch, but she recovered quickly and padded down the hallway. She found Ymir in the lounge, curled up with the dogs on the floor with her phone in her hand and a bowl of popcorn at her side. She looked lazy and relaxed. Historia’s heart skipped a beat.

Ymir must have sensed her, because her eyes flicked away from her phone and widened. “Historia!” She quickly turned down the volume on the TV. “Feeling better?”

Historia hobbled over and dropped down beside them. She rested her cheek on Spot’s head, almost on Ymir’s shoulder, and sighed. “Still hurts like a fucking bitch, but I can think again, at least.”

Ymir made a noise of satisfaction. “Good. I’ve got dinner cooking. Are you hungry?”

Historia sat up straight, ignoring the throb of pain it sent through her skull, and stared at Ymir with wide eyes. “What time is it?”

Ymir gave her _that_ look that she was familiar with. “Almost eight.”

Historia pressed her face into her hands. “I had a meeting this afternoon with the board of directors. We were supposed to close a deal. My father is going to kill me.”

“Your father was informed that you were taking a day off to recover from an agonizing migraine,” Ymir snapped. “Get over it.”

Historia took a breath, offended, but her words got stuck in her throat when her phone started to ring. Ymir lifted a single brow of challenge as she answered.

“Good day, Historia’s phone. She is currently unavailable. Can I refer you to her partner or take a message?” Historia tried to take the phone but Ymir easily held herself out of reach. “Mm-mm. I’m her wife. That’s correct. She’s off sick today. Thank you for understanding. Have a lovely day.” She dropped the phone and ended the call. “Right, that makes it call fifty-two.”

Historia’s heart was trying to claw out of her chest. “You…” She swallowed thickly. “You’ve been answering my phone all day?”

“Yep.” Ymir went back to scrolling on her own phone. “Most just left messages. Your father called eight times, got the same response. He isn’t very impressed with me.” She grinned. “But then again, when was he ever? He never did approve of you marrying me.”

Historia wasn’t even angry anymore. She just felt… awe. It sent anxiety through her, to think about the mess she would have once she got back to work, but Ymir doing this for her… it touched her deeply. She felt tears prickle at her eyes and held them back with all her might. “It was the one thing I’m glad I stood up for,” Historia admitted quietly. “Marrying you.”

Ymir gave her a lingering look. “Yeah, well. Thanks, I guess. And you’ve got the next few days off. Don’t fight me or I will physically strap you to your bed, do you understand me?”

Historia wanted to argue. She had an entire corporation to run. She couldn’t be in bed all day. But her head still hurt badly and her body felt weak. She hated getting migraines like this. Hated them more than anything, and if Ymir was going to stick around to tend to her… Historia couldn’t remember the last time Ymir had done something like this for her. It felt nice.

“Fine.”

Ymir got up to check on the food. She dished for them and they ate together in silence. Once their food was gone Ymir cleaned up, and then she stood awkwardly at the front door, hands shoved in her pockets. “Guess I should go,” she said, blowing out a breath. She turned and reached for the handle, but Historia suddenly grabbed her hand.

“No!” Her cheeks flushed red. Ymir looked at her in surprise. “Stay, please?”

Ymir stared at her for a long moment. Probably debating. Probably thinking this was a bad idea. But then she nodded and stepped closer, and Historia was overwhelmed by the relief crashing through her. They went back to the lounge and sat down on the couch, the dogs between them. Historia took more pain meds and fell asleep quickly. She never knew that when her eyes slid shut for the night, Ymir tipped her over and let her head rest on her lap, and drew a blanket around them.

When she dreamt, they were warm dreams filled with sunlight and laughter.


	12. Chapter 12

Ymir’s eyes fluttered open when her phone’s alarm went off. She groaned and reached over to the bedside table to silence the noise and then flopped down onto her back. She rubbed her hands over her face and yawned so hard her jaw cracked in several places.

It was really early. Thanks to the thick blinds it was as dark as night. Ymir sat up groggily and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Historia, are you awake?”

She climbed out of bed and fumbled for the light switch. Even though she hadn’t been sleeping here for a while, she still remembered the layout of the room like the back of her hand. She found the switch and turned the light on, but Historia was gone. Her side of the bed was empty. Ymir’s heart dropped.

“Historia?” she called out loudly. She started rushing through the house. Checking the bathrooms, the kitchen, and the study. _Tell me she didn’t,_ Ymir thought desperately. _Please tell me she didn’t._

Ymir even checked the front and back yard. She could feel anger rising hard in her gut, so it took her a while to realize that she should have checked the garage first. When she did, she found it empty. Historia’s car was gone.

“God fucking damnit!” Ymir yelled, throwing a hard punch at the wall. Pain flared up her arm but it felt good, drowned in her endless pit of anger. “She fucking did it,” Ymir fumed. She dropped her arm, ignoring the blood dripping from her ripped skin.

Historia had gone to work.

XxX

Historia’s head still hurt, but it was more of a constant ache instead of the agonizing throb it had been. Though, with her stress levels so high she wouldn’t be surprised if it just got worse. She had some pain meds in her office, ones that wouldn’t put her to sleep. They weren’t as powerful as she needed, but they would do for the day. She needed to catch up on all of the work she had missed.

Currently she was in a meeting with the board. They were all bickering about their newest acquisition, on how to best change the business assets to align with Reiss Corp. Historia sat silently at the head of the table, her elbow pressed to the table and her cheek in her palm. They’d hardly really communicated _with_ her, preferring instead to argue with each other like children. Historia hated them.

“We should do a complete revamp of the brand,” one of them was saying.

“I think the brand is fine as is.”

“We can make it better!”

“And what about the employees?” a third interjected. “We’ll need to get a whole new set of people in. People from Reiss Corp.”

Historia started rubbing her temples. “We fire absolutely no one, Kennedy,” she spoke up suddenly. The men stopped talking to stare at her.

“But we—”

She shut him up with the force of her glare. “Should I repeat myself?”

Kennedy shut his mouth quickly. Frank, the guy sitting beside him, frowned. “What would your father do in this situation?” he asked.

Historia clasped her hands together and squeezed hard. “My father is in the Bahamas, swimming with dolphins and mermaids,” she snapped. “I am in charge here.”

“Mrs Reiss, if you would just call him and—”

The door to the conference room suddenly burst open, slamming hard against the wall and rattling. Historia jerked in surprise. Her heart flipped in nervousness when furious brown eyes levelled her with a scary glare.

“Historia,” Ymir growled. One of her fists was covered in a bandage and the other was clenched tightly. “May I please speak with you privately? Now.”

Historia’s temper rose. What the absolute fuck? Ymir couldn’t just storm in here and make demands like this, especially not in front of the board. But she couldn’t say as much, and she knew Ymir would just make a scene to get her to comply. Clenching her jaw hard to settle her growing anger, she nodded. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” she told them stiffly. “This will only take a moment.”

They all seemed relieved as she left the room. Historia closed the door a little too loudly. As soon as they were clear, she looked up at Ymir and let all of her anger show.

“What the fuck, Ymir?”

Ymir folded her arms across her chest. “What the fuck _you_. You were supposed to rest for the next three days. I told you not to come back to work.”

The headache was growing into a steady throb. Historia’s heart was starting to pound. She glanced at Ilse’s office, saw her staring at them intently. Clearly she hadn’t made a huge effort to prevent Ymir from storming up here. Historia would have to deal with her later. “You are not my caretaker,” Historia hissed. “I appreciate you helping me, but I’ve recovered enough. Just that one day set me back a week.”

Ymir seemed to grow angrier. “This isn’t even about that!” she shouted.

“Then what the fuck is it about, Ymir? If you didn’t notice, I was in a professional, important meeting. I’ll be lucky if those men take me seriously again after this. If they ever even did.”

Ymir’s face was turning red. “You’re so fucking unbelievable. I can’t believe I wasted a whole day of my life taking care of your stubborn ass. You prioritise wrong, Historia. What matters to you most is your job. It always has been.” She looked away, brown eyes burning. “Why am I even trying to save this marriage?” When she looked back, there was pain in her eyes. “It’s not like you’ll ever prioritise me, huh?”

Historia opened her mouth to shoot back a response, but Ymir lifted her hand to stop her.

“Save it,” Ymir snarled. “I’m tired of you.” And then she stormed off.

Historia stood there, staring. Her stomach was tight with anxiety and anger, but what hurt the most was her heart. Was Ymir giving up? Was she going to sign those papers? Historia didn’t have time to dwell on it.

Ilse was giving her a look, telling her to _go after Ymir._

Historia simply went back into the conference room.

XxX

There was absolutely no fucking point to this anymore. Days later and Ymir was _still_ absolutely pissed off. She hadn’t even been able to deal with customers. Nanaba had banished her to her office, as if she had the fucking authority. But Ymir listened to her, because out of everyone Nanaba cared about her the most. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one that did.

“Ymir, I think you’ve had enough.”

Nanaba grabbed the bottle of wine from her hands and set it down on the table, frowning.

“I’m not even drunk,” Ymir said darkly, staring at the dark red liquid inside.

“You’ve almost drank the whole bottle.”

“Still, not drunk.” She lifted her hand, pointing, and grinned. “But definitely tipsy.”

Nanaba sighed. “Ymir, I’m very worried about you. You don’t usually drink like this.”

“Yeah well I need to have some liquid courage to sign these.” She tossed papers down onto the coffee table, unable to even look at them. Her stomach was churning with emotions and if she wasn’t careful, she’d puke. Nanaba gathered the papers up and looked at them. Her eyes widened.

“I thought you were going to try to complete this program. Aren’t you giving up too soon?”

Ymir laughed loudly. “You should know!” she snorted. “I went out of my way to help her, because for some reason I actually still care. And what did she do? Ignored my advice and went back to work. It was just… I can’t believe she…” She shut her mouth and glared darkly at the floor. She hated that her chest ached this way.

Nanaba sighed and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and drawing her in. Ymir couldn’t resist pressing her face into Nanaba’s shoulder. She smelled so good. “You’re hurt,” Nanaba said softly. “You feel betrayed. Historia chose her job instead of you, and that stings.”

Ymir opened her mouth to say something sarcastic or mean, but her words got stuck in her throat. Emotions welled up inside of her, and then she was sobbing. The alcohol was probably to blame, amplifying what she already felt all the time. Nanaba completely held her then and rocked her gently, and Ymir cried into the front of her shirt.

“She never chose me,” Ymir sobbed. “Never me, Nanaba.”

Nanaba rubbed a hand along her back. “Just cry it all out Ymir. Let it out.”

And she did. She cried until she had not one tear left and Nanaba’s shirt was absolutely soaked. But Nanaba didn’t seem to care. Ymir flushed in embarrassment when she pulled away. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I’m just relieved to see that your tear ducts still work.”

Ymir snorted on a laugh and lightly punched Nanaba’s shoulder. “You’re an ass.”

“Only the best.”

She rubbed her hands over her wet face. She felt like she’d just unloaded a lot, though she still felt deeply hurt. She wasn’t sure if the hurt would ever go away. It had been buried so deep. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Ymir. You know that I love you.”

Ymir smiled. “Guess I lost out, huh? That Ilse got you first.”

Nanaba laughed outright. “Nuh-uh, no rebounding on me. You need to fix your marriage.”

Ymir soured instantly. “Can’t fix it on my own, you know.”

“I know. But you’re both so damn stubborn. The only one that can get through to Historia is you, Ymir. By the amount that you just cried, I think you still love her.” Nanaba’s face was serious, almost sad. Her blue eyes were clear. “Ponder on that.”

She left Ymir in the lounge to join Ilse in bed. Ymir watched her go until her bedroom door clicked shut. She was tempted to finish the wine, but knew that wasn’t the smartest decision. Instead she went to her own room and threw her clothes off before getting under her blanket. She stared up at the dark ceiling, pain in her chest.

In the morning, when Hange knocked on the door and Ymir answered it, she’d already made up her mind. Hange stared at her, smiling expectantly. Ymir glared.

“Take us to step 4,” Ymir grumbled. “Let’s get this over with.”

Hange’s smile stretched wide.


	13. Chapter 13

At exactly 5am, Hange’s alarm went off. She’d already been up, so she sat up in bed, switched the alarm off and set her glasses down on her face. The room was silent, safe for the swishing of her blankets as she moved them aside to climb out of bed.

Hange dressed into her running outfit, then left the silence of her apartment to do her daily hour run. No one else was up this early, and the sun had barely risen. It felt invigorating, running through the grey darkness, hearing the soft howl of wind and feeling the moisture in her lungs. By the time the hour was up, her muscles ached and the thudding of her heart reminded her that she was alive.

She returned to her apartment and took a quick five minute shower. At 6:10am exactly, Hange started her breakfast. At 7am, she sat down to eat and went through the newspaper for the weekly news. She sipped her coffee, chewed on her pancake and clicked through her emails on her laptop when she was done with the paper. Most of it was spam, as usual, and happy couples sending her updates and thanking her. She went through every one of those, viewing all of the holiday pictures and wedding and baby videos. It filled her with utmost joy to see the results of her hard work.

At 8am, a knock sounded at her door, right on time. She replied to her last email, slid her laptop shut with a click and took her dishes to the sink. When she opened the door, she smiled.

“Good morning, Zoe,” a young man greeted, smiling nervously.

Hange sucked in a long, fresh breath. She was showered, belly full, soul cleansed. She felt great. “Morning, Moblit. Are you ready for another fantastic day as my assistant?”

Moblit nodded hesitantly. Even though he had come to her in a rush, begging to help her, he still seemed to second guess everything they did. His parents had been Hange’s very first clients, and if not for her help, Moblit probably wouldn’t have been born. Hange didn’t like to toot her own horn, though. But looking at the boy made her feel even more enthusiastic than usual. _This_ was why she dedicated her whole life to other people’s relationships.

“Of course, Zoe!” Moblit yelled awkwardly. He was never sure which social cue to follow, but Hange adored him anyway. She left him by the doorway and hurried inside to grab her bag and coat. On the way back, she paused in the hallway, where she had a photo framed on the wall. It was the only photo, because it was the only one that mattered. She pressed her fingers to the glass, gently traced the smiling face in the picture.

“For you, my love,” Hange said softly, eyes swimming with unusual sadness. She let the grief pass through her, let it run its course.

“Zoe?” Moblit called from the door.

Hange gave the picture of her dead wife one last smile, then hurried out to join her young apprentice in the driveway. He was too young to drive, so she took him everywhere. That was alright. She had a lot to teach him.


	14. Step 4: Part 1

Ymir reluctantly walked into Hange’s office at 9am for their session. This was only their second one, their first being when they’d signed all those papers. She wasn’t sure what to expect, and her stomach was tied up in all sorts of knots. To her absolute surprise, Historia’s car had been in the parking lot. Somehow, she’d gotten here first, and Ymir wasn’t even late.

When Ymir stepped into the room, a young man glanced up from a desk. “Ah, Miss Zoe is waiting for you,” he said, standing and smiling kindly. He gestured for her to follow him, so she did, and he opened a door down the hallway. She gave him a nod and stepped inside.

Hange sat calmly in her chair, with her hands clasped together and her shoulders down. Her hair was pinned up in a bun this time, and for the first time since their odd meeting, Ymir realized that she was actually really attractive. Heat filled her cheeks and she looked away from Hange’s excited gaze. Historia was seated as well, opposite Hange, but her eyes were cast downwards. Ymir took her seat next to her.

“Good morning, Ymir,” Hange greeted her, smiling widely. “I hope you woke up in good spirits today.”

She hadn’t. But she didn’t say so, and merely shrugged. “So what do we do now?”

Hange puffed out a breath and grabbed a thick notebook on the table beside her. She took a while to page through it, reading over something. A clock on the wall ticked loudly. _Tick, tick, tick._ Ymir was getting annoyed.

“Before I explain the extent of step 4, I would like for us to share our feelings.” She closed the book with a loud slap of enthusiasm. “Historia, is there anything you would like to share? Have you learnt anything since step 1?”

Historia jumped at the sound of her name. Ymir could tell that she did not want to be there at all, and felt a tiny bit of pity for a second until it melted away. She was still angry with Historia.

“Um, I don’t really…” She sighed. Her shoulders were slumped and there were dark circles underneath her eyes that even her expensive makeup couldn’t conceal. Ymir wondered why she wasn’t sleeping properly. Work usually kept her up late, pouring over contracts and proposals and staff papers. It surely wasn’t their failing marriage causing her lack of sleep.

“Go on,” Hange urged. “Anything you want to see. It can be good or bad. I want this to be a safe place for the both of you. We can’t hope for step 4 to go well if we don’t do this now. So go on, get it out. Anything stuck in there, expel it.”

Historia lifted her face. Her eyes looked more bruised than Ymir realized. “I’m incredibly tired right now and really not in the mood for this.”

Hange nodded. “That’s a start. Would you like to share what caused your exhaustion and mood?”

Ymir snorted. Both of them turned to look at her, Hange’s eyes filled with expectation and Historia’s a glare.

“Oh, Ymir?” Hange asked her.

Ymir cleared her throat. “It’s probably just work,” she decided to stay. “Work and more work.”

Hange looked back at Historia, but Historia didn’t look away. The stormy look in her eyes made Ymir nervous. She hated Historia’s temper, especially when it was directed at her. “My father was in the hospital,” Historia told her quietly. She rubbed a hand over her face. “He fell overboard his boat and his staff only realized an hour later. It took them a day to find him, and another day for him to wake up.”

Ymir’s stomach filled with lead. She felt awful. “Historia, I didn’t know.”

Historia’s eyes widened. “Yeah, you didn’t.” She jerked her face away. “You’re always quick to make a smart comment and think you can’t possibly be wrong.”

Anger flared in her chest. “How the fuck was I supposed to know? We don’t talk at all anymore.”

“And whose fault is that?” Historia snapped. “Who wants this divorce, huh?”

Ymir pressed her lips together. “Don’t tell me you didn’t realize that we were heading to divorce. You can’t be so deluded with yourself that you thought we were still happy.”

“I did!” Historia yelled. Her eyes filled with tears. This wasn’t good. Historia only genuinely cried when her emotions were too much for her to handle, built up over a period of time, suppressing her feelings until they popped. “I miss you, Ymir. I miss _us_. Since this whole dumb program started, I’ve been on my own. Even the dogs can’t fill the hole you left.”

Ymir closed her mouth. She didn’t know what to say to that. The look on Historia’s face was pure vulnerability. She really meant it. “Somewhere in there, you still actually care about me?”

Historia threw her hands up. “Of course I do! Just because I devoted most of my time to my job, it didn’t mean I forgot you existed, Ymir. I just… you were never there for me.” The tears spilled out, over her cheeks and lips and dripping from her chin. “Did you ever consider how I felt, Ymir? I’m still so young to be heading such a massive company. The amount of stress I deal with daily would kill you. And when I get home, you were avoiding me or being your usual unpleasant self, and I got no respite even in my own home. So of course I decided to spend less time with you, because you only made me feel worse!”

Ymir gripped the armrest of her chair. “I begged you not to accept it!” she snarled. “I knew it would be too much for you, Historia. I know what your father is like. He’s selfish and cocky and a bastard, and he doesn’t care about you the way you think.”

“Don’t talk about my father like that!”

“He didn’t even come to our wedding!” Ymir yelled. “You begged him, and he still didn’t show. Do you know how that crushed me?”

Historia angrily rubbed the wetness from her cheeks. “I couldn’t say no to him. I had to help.”

“You could have, and we both know it.”

Historia’s hands tightened into white fists. “Maybe if you’d supported me, instead of fighting with me, I would have found the strength to say no.”

Once again, the comment felt like a blow to the chest. Ymir looked away, face flaming with shame. Historia was right. The moment Ymir realized Mr Reiss was grooming Historia to take the company, their fighting had started. Maybe… maybe if she hadn’t been so angry, had maybe been there for Historia when it really counted, instead of complaining to Nanaba or just fighting about it, they wouldn’t be here. The realization hit her so hard that she stared at the ground, eyes wide. She didn’t know what to say.

“Wow,” Hange interrupted the tension. “That was quite the breakthrough. There was a lot you both were holding onto, huh? I’m grateful that you managed to get it out.” She set her thick notebook aside, and both of them looked at her. “Now, I think I’ve mostly identified where it went wrong. I’ve accounted for that in my plans. Is there anything else you feel like sharing, before we proceed?”

There was nothing more to say, really. Except… “I’m sorry,” Ymir mumbled. She saw Historia’s head turn to her, but she couldn’t gather the nerve to look her in the eyes. “You’re right, that I wasn’t there when I should have been, and I let my dislike of your father come between us. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there.”

Historia sniffled. “I’m sorry too, Ymir. I still love you, and I don’t want to live my life without you. I’m sorry that I made you feel like work came first. Can we please work on this? I miss you.”

Ymir bit into her lip until she tasted blood. “Okay.”

Hange clapped her hands together in delight. “Wonderful! Now, we move on to step 4. For this step, Ymir will need to move back in with you, Historia. The rules are simple. One, you will need to stay in separate rooms. Two, every evening the two of you will need to be home to have dinner together. No exceptions. Every night. I will provide the food. You will either cook together or just eat together. It can be in five minutes or an hour, but it must be done. I will know. And lastly, no sex. Absolutely no sex.” Hange lifted her brow to show her seriousness.

Ymir laughed. “Oh, I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” She couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ back. Ymir really doubted she’d be able to have sex with Historia again so soon, if ever.

They accepted the terms and headed out. On the way to their cars, Historia turned her phone back on and was immediately assaulted with tons of missed calls, emails and messages. Ymir saw her blanch, and she felt bad.

Before they got to their cars, Ymir grabbed her hand. Historia looked away from her phone and up to her face, surprised. “You switched your phone off for that?”

Historia nodded. “I had to, or else I would be getting calls every two minutes.”

Ymir’s fingers tightened slightly. “Thank you.”

Historia smiled at her, but with the exhaustion so clear on her face, it looked more like a grimace. “I had to,” she said. “Because I’m serious about this, too.”

Ymir let her go and watched as she drove away. Somehow, she felt hopeful. Maybe she could learn to love Historia again. Maybe she would remember why she’d loved her at all to begin with.


	15. Step 4: Part 2

The very next day, as promised, Ymir moved in. Historia took a rare day off—not truly off, because she was still taking calls and mostly doing things in her home office—to be there to help. She didn’t end up helping though, because Hange had arranged for Ymir’s things to be moved back. Ymir was at work in the meantime, so when the moving crew left, she was home alone to do her work. She was in her office well into the night, answering call after call, doing video conferences. At 7pm Ymir got home and Historia decided to call it a night. She stopped working on her paperwork and shut her laptop with a grateful sigh. Despite what Ymir often thought, she did not enjoy doing so much work. It’s just that, if she didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done.

Ymir was in the kitchen, greeting the dogs with laughter and smiles. When she was done she let them out the back, then returned and dumped her coat on the counter. She let out a tired sigh.

“Hey,” Historia greeted nervously. Her heart was pounding, as if this was the first time they would share a roof. She took it as a good sign, so she let the feeling happen.

Ymir stiffened a little at her voice, and she glanced up awkwardly. “Hey, Historia.” She undid the top few buttons of her shirt and swept a hand through her hair. Her collarbones were exposed and the few freckles there. Historia averted her eyes. “Did you do all this?”

Historia finally realized that there was a whole meal set out on the table. “Oh, I didn’t. I was in my home office all day.”

Ymir’s eyes widened. “You were at home?”

“Yeah. I thought I could help, but Hange did everything.”

Ymir laughed. “Yeah. She gave me a call and said I just needed to come here after work. Home.”

 _Home_. Having Ymir here again made Historia feel happier than she had in a while. She hoped things remained like this, and that they didn’t start fighting too soon. “We might as well eat then, yeah? You’re probably hungry.”

Ymir groaned. “Insanely. I forgot to eat all day, and with Nanaba off I had no one to remind me.”

They sat down together and started to eat. How on earth Hange had managed to set up a whole dinner table with food and wine, she didn’t understand, but it had been done. Hange had even left a little note on the wine bottle.

_Dear Ymir and Historia_

_Please enjoy the steak. This wine was expensive, too, so savour it. And remember, no sex!_

_Good luck._

_H._

Historia’s heart sank. There definitely would be no sex, anyway. Hange didn’t even need to warn them. If Ymir just touched her on the hand, she would be surprised. She certainly wanted to, and the thought made her belly warm, but just one look at Ymir made her cool off and realize that things weren’t fixed yet, and Ymir would definitely reject her.

They ate in silence, not sure what to say. The quiet wasn’t completely uncomfortable and it was definitely better than being alone, like she had been. The candle between them flickered lightly, casting moving shadows over Ymir’s attractive face. Ymir glanced up suddenly, and their eyes met. Historia quickly looked away, but not before her cheeks reddened.

_Why am I reacting like this?_

XxX

Ymir felt awkward. It was weird being back, even though it was her own home, one she had lived in for years. It didn’t really feel like hers anymore. It was as if she was simply visiting, and for some reason Historia was the host.

She was incredibly surprised to have found out that Historia had stayed home. She had never done that in the past, so it filled her with hope that maybe they could figure things out. They weren’t talking at all, though. The food was delicious and the atmosphere was nicely set, but they didn’t know what to say. Ymir kept waiting for Historia to maybe bring up a topic, but she didn’t.

When their eyes met, a strange jolt went straight through Ymir’s heart. She suddenly, vividly, remembered the day they had moved in together for the first time. Maybe it was the food, the candle and the tension in the air. When the memory came, it ripped right through her.

_Ymir picked Historia up and carried her through the front door laughing. Historia wound her arms around her neck and pulled her down for a long, sensual kiss. Ymir nearly lost her balance, but she straightened and took them to the kitchen, where they kissed and laughed and tore their shirts off._

_“We have the whole place to ourselves,” Ymir husked against Historia’s pale throat. “What would you like to do?”_

_Historia sighed, fingers sinking into Ymir’s silky soft hair. “You, baby,” she breathed. Ymir picked her up, making her giggle, and carried her down the hallway. “Ymir!”_

_Ymir kissed her bare chest, her throat and cheeks and jaw and nose. She expertly avoided all of the unopened boxes dumped everywhere, and dropped Historia ungracefully on their new massive bed. Historia laughed and pouted up at her._

_“You’re such a meany,” she complained playfully._

_Ymir grinned and crawled atop her, covering Historia’s body with her own, fitting a leg between Historia’s thigh. “Oh, but you love this meanie,” she husked. “And you’ll love me all night long.”_

_Historia laughed loudly, then moaned. “Exactly why I bought this big bed.”_

Ymir washed the last of her steak down with wine and stared at the wall, cheeks burning. Remembering that night was… interesting. She remembered it being the best sex they’d ever had. Thinking about it, they’d probably had sex on every surface of the house, flat and uneven. She covered her mouth with a hand and played with the last bits of rice on her plate.

Why was she thinking about sex so much? Curse Hange and her careful use of words. This was probably her intent. But regardless of that, rules were rules. Ymir finally set her fork down and stood, plate in hand.

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” she said.

Historia seemed to have been lost in thought, too, staring intently at the candle. She stood as well and the both of them packed their dishes in the dishwasher. “Me too,” Historia said softly. They nearly bumped into each other when they turned, and Ymir grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her. The both of them flushed and Ymir removed her hands quickly. She felt incredibly uncomfortable.

“So, um, night.”

She hurried from the kitchen and into her own room. Once the door was shut, Ymir pressed her back against it and closed her eyes, waiting for her heart to stop thundering.

What was this feeling? Certainly it wasn’t… well, it couldn’t be.


	16. Step 4: Part 3

Being back home had made her stupid. After having sex dreams of Historia all night, Ymir woke up to find that she had soaked through her underwear _and_ boxers, and had been absolutely horrified. Despite the fact that she woke up in a different bed, clearly remembered dinner and her dreams, she still walked down the hallway towards the bathroom forgetting where she was. She somehow missed the sound of running water, and sleepily threw the bathroom door open, eager to pee.

Historia glanced up from in the shower, blue eyes wide open. Ymir stood there in the hallway for a hot second, incredibly confused, and then she saw Historia’s breasts and pink nipples and soft belly, and her brain kicked back to life. She shouted and covered her eyes with her hands.

“Ymir!”

“Fuck, shit, I’m sorry!” She blindly grabbed for the door handle and slammed it shut, heart in her throat. The shower shut off, minutes went by, and then Historia opened the door in a towel and peered hesitantly out.

“Do you need to use the toilet?” she asked timidly. Her entire face was red.

Ymir stared at her. A familiar feeling stirred in her gut—affection, arousal. It might have just been a result of her dreams. Her thighs were still slick from them, reminding her that she also needed to shower. Her throat felt closed up and tight, so she merely nodded. Historia grabbed her clothes and left the bathroom, hurrying back to her room. Ymir immediately went inside and shut the door. The air was warm from the steam, and sweat trickled down her back.

“Get a grip, you fuckwad,” she growled at herself. “You aren’t a teenager.”

Be that as it may, she was mildly frightened that she was finding her wife attractive again. But was that really such a bad thing?

XxX

Ymir felt like an absolute moron. So she decided to visit Historia at work and bring some cake—black forest, Historia’s favourite. When she called ahead, Ilse had been incredibly surprised but pleased. When Ymir arrived and walked towards Historia’s office, many heads on the floor turned and watched her with curiosity. She also had flowers alongside the cake, because their morning had started out really embarrassingly. Most likely the people here didn’t even know who Ymir was, and really, that was mostly Ymir’s fault.

“You actually came!” Ilse left her desk beside Historia’s office and scrambled over. “Oh, and you brought flowers!” She grinned from ear to ear. “Is it a thank you for a great night in bed?”

Ymir felt her ears burn. “I’m just saying sorry,” she ground out through gritted teeth. “We’re sleeping in separate rooms.”

Ilse’s face dropped. “Oh, that’s boring.”

“We aren’t allowed to have sex,” she added.

Ilse’s smile returned. “Well, I assume the key word is yet.” Ilse winked and opened the door. “She should be ready.”

Ymir gave Ilse a glare and stepped inside. Historia’s head was bent as she spoke softly on the phone, so she didn’t realize that Ymir was there. Ymir shut the door and went over to sit down. She patiently waited until Historia was done with the call, and when she set the phone down with a sigh, she jumped when she noticed Ymir.

“Oh, Ymir! I didn’t hear you come in.”

Ymir supressed a laugh. “Ilse let me in.”

Historia ran a hand through her hair. She’d left it loose, and she looked really beautiful. Ymir refused to think about Historia’s beauty, so she set the cake and flowers down and grinned sheepishly.

“Oh, Ymir, thank you. But I have an appointment at 2.”

Ymir smirked. “I am your appointment at 2.”

Historia blinked. She quickly checked her schedule. “Oh. You’re right.” Her brows furrowed. “You called and made an appointment just so you could bring flowers and cake?”

Ymir shrugged. “I figured I’d just aggravate you by arriving unannounced and taking up your time. We have half an hour, by the way. So eat some cake and relax those tense shoulders.”

She saw how Historia was rolling her problem shoulder, which she stopped doing once it was mentioned. Historia blushed lightly and pulled the cake towards her. “Not that this isn’t nice, but why?”

Ymir looked away. “An apology for barging in like a moron this morning.”

Historia quietly opened the cake box and grabbed a plastic fork from within, then, “Oh.” She stabbed the cake with her fork. “Ymir,” she looked up, “I’m still your wife, you know.” She was clearly resisting a smile. “You’ve done way more than just look at my naked body. And you’re allowed to see it still, regardless.”

Ymir gripped the fabric of her pants. “No, not regardless. Things are weird right now. Even if legally we’re still married, I shouldn’t be doing something like that. Not until, um,” she cleared her throat, “not until my heart is in a warmer place, you know?”

Historia stared at her for a long moment, making her squirm. Eventually she looked away to start eating. “Are you going to sit there and stare, or have some cake as well?”

Ymir was relieved that Historia let it go. Her wet dreams still bothered her, because they’d been _so_ good, and for the first time in what was probably two years, she was really aching to get laid. Her fingers took the edge off, but they weren’t enough.

“I brought two forks for a reason,” Ymir shot back playfully. Historia merely smiled, and then they sat and ate the cake together. They didn’t realize time had gone by so quickly, even though they weren’t saying a word. The door to Historia’s office suddenly burst open, startling them, and Ilse stumbled in the doorway with her hands wrapped around a man’s arm.

“Sir, as I said, her appointment hasn’t finished.”

The man sent Ilse a chilling glare. “I have an appointment with Historia at two thirty sharp. I don’t appreciate being made to wait.”

Ymir stood and glared him down. Ilse released the man and stepped back. She gave them a sheepish grin. So clearly she had been trying to postpone, so that they could have more time. As annoying as she could be sometimes, Ymir actually appreciated it. She felt like she’d been able to give Historia a nice short break, and that was a great feeling.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to burst in without permission like that?” Ymir asked him.

He straightened and fixed his perfectly set tie. “Not when I called ahead weeks ago. You are?” His eyes flicked to the cake on Historia’s desk and the flowers, and he clearly seemed to disapprove.

Historia stood from her desk and rounded it to sit on the edge. She crossed her arms over her chest. Ymir expected her to smile politely and apologize, but instead a cold mask settled over her face and she gave the man a glare that made even Ymir falter.

“Who she is has no bearing. I will see you when I am free to do so, Jackson. You are not allowed to storm in here like you own the place, and if you ever want to work with me again, you will make sure you remember that.”

Jackson bristled. He straightened, but Ymir was still taller than him and Historia didn’t seem to care about their posturing.

“I assume my father wouldn’t be pleased to hear that I was late to my next meeting because you were having a date.”

Historia lifted a brow in challenge. She didn’t need to explain, is what her expressions said, because she was the boss. Jackson didn’t seem to care, though. It made Ymir so angry.

_Is this what she deals with every day? Macho men and their egos?_

Deciding to hell with it, Ymir took Historia’s hand and sent Jackson a glare. “I suppose I should go. I can’t keep you all day, even if I am your _wife_.” Jackson frowned. Ymir looked into Historia’s suddenly surprised eyes, then dipped down and kissed her, making sure that Jackson got an eyeful. When she pulled away, Historia stared at her helplessly and Ymir stepped aside.

“I’m sure you have someone to get back to,” she sneered at him. At his jealous seething, she knew he didn’t. She laughed, gave Historia a wave and then sauntered out like _she_ owned this place too. She noticed that a lot of people had gathered near the office to stare, and that most likely the whole floor had seen or already heard of the kiss.

So what. Hange hadn’t said they couldn’t kiss. And it had been worth it to see that idiot’s expression. She just hoped that Historia wouldn’t be angry with her later.

It was strange, though. Kissing Historia hadn’t felt like nothing. In fact, it had been… nice.

XxX

Ymir sat in the kitchen, having cooked dinner herself with the ingredients sent by Hange. Her hands were slightly shaking. Historia was set to get home any minute, and she really wasn’t sure if Historia was going to be weird or angry. They could very easily have a massive argument. To be honest, Ymir was expecting Historia to storm through the door and immediately demand to know why the fuck she’d been so impulsive as to kiss her in front of someone so important, or something. Ymir swallowed.

She was unnerved by how much she _didn’t_ want Historia to come home in a bad mood. Even if Historia pretended it hadn’t happened, she would be fine with that.

The front door opened and Ymir stiffened. In her anxiety, she’d forgotten to take off her apron and change into something more comfortable. Just as she stood, Historia walked into the kitchen. Her dress shirt was unbuttoned at the top, showing the column of her throat and slight cleavage. When she saw the table set out, she paused and smiled.

“You still have that apron,” she said first. “I didn’t think you did.”

Ymir glanced down. “Oh. Yeah.” She stood and gently slid it off. When they’d first moved in together, Historia had gotten Ymir this apron. It was her favourite one, to be honest. She did a lot of cooking and was usually the sole cooker in the house, especially once Historia started working under her father. It was simple, but Ymir loved it. It was eight years old, but it still looked new. “Of course I still have it. I love it.”

Historia gave her the warmest smile Ymir had ever seen. She strode forward then and paused right in front of Ymir, making her heart thunder. “It’s nice seeing you wear it. I haven’t for a while.”

Ymir looked away, anywhere but at Historia’s chest. Even though logically it was okay. They were married. Ymir had seen everything there was to see already. But still. “I never stopped wearing it,” she said softly. “I guess you just never got home in time to see it.”

Historia frowned and looked down. She reached out and took Ymir’s sleeves. “Ymir… I um, about at my office…”

Ymir swallowed. “I’m sorry for kissing you so suddenly like that. I just wanted to make that asshole squirm.”

Historia’s smile returned. “I don’t care. Actually, well…” She looked up, eyes swimming with emotion. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Ymir could feel the heat of Historia’s fingers, even through her shirt. “Yeah?”

“Can you kiss me again?”

Her heart actually thumped hard. It was almost dizzying, feeling like this again. The last time Ymir felt like this, she and Historia had just started dating. Maybe her having moved out for so long had helped. Right now she wanted nothing more than to be physically close to Historia, when before she’d been annoyed by the idea, almost repulsed.

“You want me to kiss you?”

Historia bit her lip and nodded. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just want to test something.”

Ymir studied her. She seemed mostly nervous, if a bit embarrassed. What was the harm? “We weren’t forbidden from kissing,” she said softly. “So I guess…”

Historia gasped when Ymir gripped her shoulders. She leaned down and they met halfway, lips gently touching. The familiarity of it seeped into Ymir’s heart. Their kiss deepened, tongues sliding out, sliding together. Her lips were warm and home, and Ymir felt heat cover her entire body. Historia leaned up and wrapped arms around her neck, and Ymir ached. She was backed up into the counter and groaned when Historia pulled at her hair. Ymir slid her hands down to Historia’s hips and pulled her closer.

There was not an inch of space between them. Ymir could feel the soft swell of Historia’s breasts, the hard nipples poking through, and the heat of her skin. Her mind raced with thoughts she shouldn’t be having. Doing anything more was against the rules, but… Historia’s taste was intoxicating her, just like it used to, and Ymir wanted nothing more than to slide her hand—

Historia’s phone rang. The shrill beeping startled them apart, and Historia rushed to answer the call. Her cheeks reddened harsher when the person on the line greeted her. Historia spoke for a moment, and then ended the call and set her phone aside. She laughed softly.

“Who was it?” Ymir asked. She was still panting, her whole body quivering. She had been so close to breaking that rule. Both of them were suddenly keenly aware of what they had just done, and what they almost did.

“Hange,” Historia answered, covering her cheeks with her hands. “She asked how our first day is going.” She laughed again. “And reminded me that we aren’t allowed to have sex.”

Ymir covered her face. “How the fuck does she know?”

Historia shrugged. “She has eyes everywhere. Sometimes I’m afraid to shower.”

They chuckled together, then grew silent, contemplating what had just happened. Ymir wanted to kiss her again. In fact, she didn’t want to stop kissing her. The force of the desire was so strong that she was a little frightened by it.

“We should probably eat,” Historia said softly. She took her hand and tugged on it, smiling shyly. “And…” She bit her lip. “That was really nice.”

Ymir couldn’t help herself. She dipped down and kissed her again. Feeling this way made her feel alive again. Like she was alive again. Like she could _feel_ again. She pulled away quickly and stared down into Historia’s eyes.

“It was,” she agreed. She then left her and sat down to eat. Historia stared at her, flushed, then joined her.

Despite the energy charged in the air, they sat in silence. But it was a heavy silence, one with desire.

Maybe it was just that they weren’t allowed to. Maybe that was making them feel like this. Or maybe things would be okay.


	17. Step 5: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate FINALLY getting a new laptop, here is a new chapter

This time they went to Hange together in Ymir’s car. Ymir had the day off, so she would drop Historia off at work and then head back home. After their passionate kiss, things between them had become a lot easier. It started to feel a lot more like the beginning, when they’d first fallen in love.

Ymir had made breakfast and woke Historia with it, and they’d sat together in the kitchen and spoke while they ate. They actually listened to each other and enjoyed their company. When they remembered that they needed to see Hange for step 5, since a few weeks had passed since Ymir had moved back in, they easily decided to travel together. They told themselves that it saved them petrol, but really, they just wanted more time together.

They hadn’t had another incident like the shower one, since they fell into an easy routine. If Hange sent over ingredients, usually Ymir cooked so that when Historia got home, which was usually late, there was food. In the rare instances that Historia came home earlier, they cooked together, and it usually ended with them laughing and the kitchen a mess. But all of those instances only helped to draw them closer, which was obviously the point.

“Ladies first,” Ymir said with a grin, opening the door to Hange’s room.

Historia rolled her eyes but dipped inside first, Ymir following. Hange watched them curiously as they sat down. Ymir saw her eyes linger at the space between them, which was almost non-existent. Before, they’d sat at the complete opposite ends of the couch. Now they were sitting with their knees touching.

“You’re both in a good mood I see.” Hange smiled at them. The thick notebook was on her lap. Open. She lazily tapped a pen against an open page. “Anything interesting happen?” She lifted her brow.

Ymir stared at her. By the sparkle in Hange’s eye, Ymir knew that she knew. There was no way that she didn’t. “You know what happened,” Ymir told her with a bit of sass.

“Oh?”

“Things have been going well,” Historia interjected, smiling. “Somehow, Ymir moving in again has helped.”

Hange clearly smothered a smirk. “No sex, I hope?” They both flushed, but Hange grinned cheekily and they exhaled. “I never said no kissing. That was smart of you to pick up. I’m very happy that the two of you were able to share that sort of intimacy again. For some couples, sex and physical affection are vital to long, healthy and happy relationships. To lose that when you crave it, is to lose the core of what makes you content. I assume the two of you require that sort of relationship, right?” They both nodded.

“Fantastic. Congrats on getting closer again,” Hange continued. “Now, for step 5, I need something of you”

Ymir and Historia shared a glance. “What is it?” Ymir asked.

“I need you to get a gift for each other.”

“A gift?” Historia asked.

“Yes,” Hange affirmed. “Any gift, but it needs to have meaning. Size, type and cost are of no bother. Whatever you get will be at my cost as well. Do you think you could handle this?”

Ymir looked at Historia. She realized that she hadn’t bought something for Historia in a long while, but she wasn’t too worried. How difficult could it be? Compared to the rest of the steps, this was easy. And it would at least take them a step closer to finishing this program.

“Yeah, of course,” Ymir answered confidently.

“Historia?”

“Yes,” Historia agreed, nodding.

“Lovely. Such cooperation. I love it. Oh, you have today only to find and get something. Tomorrow morning I want another session, where you will present the gifts to each other.”

Historia’s brows furrowed. “Hange, I don’t think I can make it. I have to work today.”

Hange merely smiled calmly at her. “So? You’ve known Ymir for many years. You should know what she would like. It shouldn’t take that long.”

Ymir stared at Historia, frowning. Was she going to jump ship? Things had been going so well, and the last thing Ymir wanted was for Historia to back out now.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Historia responded softly. “I’ll make a plan.”

“Wonderful. I’ll see the two of you again tomorrow morning. Good luck, and have fun!”

They thanked her and left together, Ymir holding the door open for Historia again. They didn’t say anything as they climbed into the car, but Ymir paused before driving away.

“To work?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Historia answered, distracted. “Please.”

Ymir nodded and headed that way. When she stopped in front of the building, she watched Historia climb out. Her stomach was pulled tight in knots when Historia barely looked at her and said goodbye, and headed into work. Ymir wouldn’t deny that she was worried. This was such a simple thing, but the time constraint clearly caused issues. Luckily Ymir had the day off, so she could take the time to look for something. Historia didn’t have that. What on earth was she going to do? Would she even still do it?

If Historia herself picked something, or she got someone else to do it, Ymir would know. Come tomorrow morning, when she opened that gift, she would immediately know if Historia had flaked out or not. She hated that anxiety in her stomach, because there just wasn’t any way to know which it would be.

XxX

“Just get her really expensive, really pretty flowers.”

Ymir wiped a hand across her sweaty brow. “Nanaba, it needs to have meaning.”

“Flowers have meaning.”

Ymir rolled her eyes even though Nanaba couldn’t see it. “Not what I’m going for, Nana.”

Nanaba sighed. “Alright, fine. So, something with meaning, right? You know her better than anyone. What would she like?”

Ymir bit down on her lip. She gasped when an idea hit her. “Nanaba, Hange never specified that we had to actually buy something.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Just that it has to have meaning. I think I know what to do.”

Nanaba released a sigh. “That’s good. Tell me how it goes tomorrow, alright?”

“I will, thanks Nana.”

She ended the call and quickly dialled her mother’s number. As it rang, her heart started thudding hard. If this worked, it would be perfect. Her mother answered on the second ring.

“Hey there ‘Mir. What can I do for you? Your mum and I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

Despite being a fully grown adult, she still felt like a little girl when talking to her mother, but only because her mother made her feel safe no matter what.

“Hey mom, I need a favour.”

XxX

Historia pressed her face into her hand. She barely had the mental capacity to listen to the men shouting at each other around her. She was in a meeting with the board, and as usual, they were too busy throwing their own egos around to even notice that she was sitting there. Historia wanted to stand and tell them to stop acting like children, but strangely their shouting was giving her a moment to think.

She needed to figure out what to get for Ymir. How on earth was she going to even pick something? She could maybe search online. She wouldn’t have a problem paying for extremely quick delivery. For a second she considered just sending Ilse out to pick something, but immediately dismissed that idea. It needed to be from her, and it needed to be from the heart. Not something lame or easily obtained.

Historia bit into her lip. Making a snap decision, and one she usually didn’t make, she stood and left the meeting room. Laughingly, the men didn’t seem to notice. Ilse followed her in a rush, face stricken.

“Historia, what’s wrong?”

Historia gave her a smile. “Do you think you could sit in for me? You know everything there is to know about the proposal. Their opinions don’t really matter, since Mr Reiss has already signed off his approval. The meeting was just a formality.”

Ilse nodded, but her brows furrowed. “Of course. But are you okay?”

They reached Historia’s office and she paused before opening her door. “Yes. But I have to get a gift for Ymir by today. I can’t waste my time sitting in a room with wailing toddlers.”

Ilse laughed loudly. “Ah, I see.” Her eyes filled with affection. “I’m happy to see you try, His’. I’m sure Ymir will love whatever you get her.” She saluted and strode back to the meeting room, back straight.

Historia exhaled harshly and went to sit down at her desk. She started scrolling through online stores of all sorts. She visited Ymir’s profile for a few of them, to see her wishlist. Nothing popped out at her though. Too much time had passed. The meeting ended and Ilse was back at her desk.

Historia’s phone rang. “Yes?”

“Mr Lockhardt is here for his appointment, Mrs Reiss. Can I send him in five minutes?”

Historia cursed. How was she going to do this? She was about to close the tab, but paused when an ad popup caught her attention. Her breath caught. Could she…?

“Actually,” Historia said, distracted, “tell him Mrs Reiss had to rush home in an emergency. Reschedule him for the earliest time. And clear the rest of my day.”

Ilse remained silent for a moment. Historia clicked on the ad, pulse racing. After telling the man, who huffed and strode out, Ilse retuned to the call. “Historia, what happened?”

Historia grinned. “Can you call my pilots and have the jet ready within the hour?”

Ilse laughed. “Of course. But what on earth are you doing?”

Historia shut her computer off, ended the call and walked out her office. Ilse was already standing there, waiting. “I’m saving my marriage,” Historia told her simply.

XxX

It took until late into the evening, but Ymir managed to get the gift sorted. She felt quite proud of herself and she arrived home in extremely high spirits, but her mood immediately dampened when she realized that Historia still wasn’t home. She’d called earlier to find out when she needed to pick Historia up, since she’d dropped her off, but Historia had only told her that she had already made a plan.

Was she working late again? Was the stress of this new step getting to her?

Ymir frowned all through undressing and showering. She’d checked all over the house just to make sure, but Historia really wasn’t home yet. Her car was still in the garage, so she hadn’t come home or had someone fetch it at all.

After her shower, Ymir went to make dinner but found that Hange hadn’t sent anything, so she assumed tonight was fine to skip co-operational dinner. She compiled a bowl of cereal, ate in silence and then dumped her dishes in the sink.

On her way to her room, she paused by Historia’s home office to peek inside, somewhat hopeful. It was dark inside. Disappointed and frustrated, Ymir went to bed. She tried not to worry herself or imagine all the ways Historia could set them back by fucking this up, but it was difficult not to.

When she fell asleep, it was fitful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to gush in the comments. I love that shit


	18. Step 5: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))) are you ready for the feels

Ymir woke fully expecting to find Historia’s car gone, or at the very least some sort of sign that she had returned at all, but she didn’t. Historia’s car was still in the garage, the entire house was untouched, her office hadn’t been used last minute and her bed was pristine. Where the fuck was she?

Ymir decided to give Historia a call on her way to Hange’s office, but it went straight to voicemail. Steadily, her anger was rising. It was clear that Historia hadn’t taken the time to try to get a gift, so she was ghosting. It made Ymir so fucking angry, but it also hurt her so deeply she felt her eyes prickle.

When Ymir arrived at Hange, she paused mid-step in the doorway. Historia was there, sitting on her usual spot and laughing with Hange. When they both noticed Ymir step in, Hange schooled her expression but Historia beamed.

All of the negative emotions that had been building and nearly overflowing suddenly evaporated, but then she was just left feeling very confused.

“Historia,” Ymir said, taking her seat. “You didn’t come home last night.”

Ymir furrowed her brows at the sight of Historia nearly smirking. She didn’t seem worried or even upset, but actually playful and even… excited. “Sorry about that,” Historia told her. She calmed her expression and smoothed her face out. Ymir’s anxiety was starting to kick in. “I needed to do something urgently and didn’t have the time to contact you.”

Ymir wanted to ask more, but Hange cleared her throat and waited for their undivided attention. “Good morning to the two of you,” she greeted cheerfully. “Thank you for coming here. Are you ready to share your gifts with each other? Ymir, why don’t you go first?”

Ymir remembered the gift in her pocket. Her heart suddenly started to hammer, and when both Hange and Historia stared at her expectantly, nerves filled her stomach. She decided to ask questions later and slowly pulled the object from her pocket. She held it up so that Historia could see and watched closely for her reaction.

First, Historia furrowed her brows in thought, then her eyes widened comically. She reached out, fingers shaking, and took the necklace from Ymir. “Where did you find it?” she asked, voice soft and amazed.

Despite the horrible morning she had endured, Ymir felt warmth fill her entire body at the look of awe and happiness on Historia’s face. “I didn’t. I had it remade.”

Historia looked up at her. She turned the necklace around in her hands, inspecting the golden rose and the golden chain. She ran her finger over the grooves of the petals. Ymir’s heart ached when Historia’s eyes filled with tears and they spilled over. She immediately scooted closer until they were pressing against each other, and took Historia’s cheeks in her hands.

“You don’t need to cry,” she told her softly.

Historia sniffed. “I know. I’m sorry, but I just…”

Ymir wiped her tears away with her thumbs. “It’s okay.”

When they had first gotten married, Ymir had given the necklace to Historia on their honeymoon. It was a family heirloom that Ymir’s mother had finally given to her after receiving it from her mother, so it was especially special. Ymir had said that Historia could have it, until she had someone to pass it down to, if they ever had a child. It had always been a thing they intended to give to their future daughter, and staring at it now, Ymir felt the absence of a child keenly. After the years, they had just stopped thinking about it.

“I still feel so horrible for losing it,” Historia whispered. She took one of Ymir’s hands and intertwined their fingers. “I don’t deserve this.”

Ymir furrowed her brows. She squeezed Historia’s fingers with her own. “Historia, you deserve everything.”

Historia looked into her eyes and they shared a long moment of silently staring at each other, as if finally _seeing_ each other after so long. It felt good and meaningful, but it was quickly interrupted.

“And Historia, your gift,” Hange spoke up.

“Oh!” Historia’s eyes lit up and she turned to rustle around in her bag beside her. She pulled a rectangular object onto her lap, wrapped with brown paper. “Okay, so, open it and then I will explain.”

Ymir took the gift and studied the wrapping, which was sloppily done. She carefully unfolded the paper and set it down at her feet before inspecting what was within. It was a book. Confusion returned, until she turned it and got a look at the cover. Her heart nearly leapt out her throat and her eyes widened so much they nearly fell out. Historia started to grin and Hange chuckled.

“How did you get this?” Ymir asked, voice nearly choked.

Historia winked. “Open it.”

Ymir did. On the very first page, the author had signed and left a personal message.

‘ _Hi Ymir! Your lovely wife Historia flew all the way across the world to my home to ask for this copy, and for a message from me. I was so touched that I couldn’t say no. She really must love you, and I’m a little jealous. I hope you enjoy this early copy of my new novel coming out next month. And I hope that things between you and Historia work out!_

_Love like yours is rare._

_Love,  
Dani’_

Ymir’s mouth had gone bone dry. She flipped the book to read the back. Her stomach was in knots and her chest ached, but it all felt good. She couldn’t believe that she was holding an early copy of _Their Seasons_ by her favourite author of all time. She had been raving about wanting this book ever since it had been announced, and for Historia to have noticed that and actually gone out of her way like this, to such extremes? Ymir couldn’t help it, she started to cry. Historia wrapped her up in a tight hug and they quietly cried together. Hange didn’t interrupt them.

Ymir took Historia’s hand and held it tightly. Her heart was pounding and absolutely aching, but there was absolutely no doubt in her mind now. “I love you,” Ymir whispered against Historia’s ear. Historia stiffened against her, and then went slack. “I still love you, so much.”

It wasn’t just that she’d gotten an awesome present. It was just… the fact that Historia had left work—which she was so married to—had left the country, bothered some poor woman out in the world, and returned in time for their session, showed Ymir that Historia genuinely still cared about her.

Ymir rested her cheek against the top of Historia’s head and glanced over at Hange. Hange tried to hide it, but Ymir noticed her discreetly wiping her eyes, and it made her smile.

Historia’s hand in her own felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But will the happiness last?


	19. Chapter 19

Some part of Historia had always known that her marriage was falling apart, and perhaps that was why she had buried herself so deeply in her work that she hadn’t even noticed it until Ymir left and her side of the garage was empty. The hurt hadn’t even registered. It took weeks of truly being alone for Historia to realize the hole Ymir’s absence left in her life. But a simple realization wasn’t enough to bring Ymir back or save the marriage, so she had stopped trying entirely.

Until she decided to start. To try, to care and actually convey her feelings. When Ymir began to cry because of her gift, her heart had felt incredibly light and heavy at the same time. When Ymir said that she still loved her, Historia had felt near faint with relief and happiness. She really thought she had lost Ymir forever. Ymir was her lover, her best friend and her partner. What would she do without her, forever?

The ride home was silent. Historia’s phone was still off, because she didn’t want ot be bothered by calls from work, even though a part of her still itched to see if everything was alright. She violently snuffed that part out. She had instructed Ilse to take care of as much as possible, and if she couldn’t, to transfer anything to her father. It was _his_ company to begin with.

Though they were silent, there was so much hanging in the air between them. Historia couldn’t stop staring at Ymir, at the sharp line of her jaw and nose, her soft lips and dash of freckles all over her brown skin. She’d forgotten what it had felt like to actually want Ymir, and to feel that again was freeing. Ymir noticed her staring and turned her head, but Historia didn’t shy away. She did blush, though. Ymir smiled at her in amusement.

“Are you blushing because your wife caught you staring?”

Historia swallowed thickly. She really felt like they were back to when they’d first started dating. All of the feelings were fresh and alive and the ache deep in her tummy was insistent.

“No,” she scoffed, but Ymir laughed, because she knew it was a lie.

“What would you like for lunch?”

The morning had gone by so quickly. Historia was absolutely exhausted from her rushed flight out and then back into the country, and then her mad dash to get to Hange in time. She’d barely had more than a couple hours of sleep, and even then, they’d been fitful.

“I’m  not in the mood for anything exotic.”

“Hm.” Ymir pursed her lips. “Pizza?”

“Pizza can do.”

“And a movie?” Ymir shot her a hesitant look. “Maybe some cuddling?”

Historia’s heart skipped a beat. “That sounds perfect.”

When they arrived home, Historia fed the dogs while Ymir ordered food. When she was done, she dropped down on the couch and started searching for a movie. Ymir joined her soon after, the dogs settled down outside in their kennel.

“Twenty minutes,” Ymir told her. “Then we can dig into the best pizza in town.”

Historia couldn’t smother a smile. “What movie would you like to watch?”

Ymir leaned in close until they were pressed together, squinting at the TV. She took the remote and selected something. “Heard this one is really good,” she said, cheeks slightly tinged pink. Historia lifted a brow.

“Below Her Mouth? Sounds… erotic.”

Ymir gave her a cheeky grin. “Maybe it is.”

Historia’s stomach fluttered. She would give anything to have Ymir’s mouth at certain places, but the no sex rules was still in place, so she had to behave no matter how insufferable Ymir became. Hange insisted that, even though they had made a massive breakthrough, being so intimate too soon could bring their hopes too high, and if anything happened to disturb the sudden peace, they would crash horribly. Historia understood it, but her body didn’t.

The movie was actually incredibly erotic. Historia had to squeeze her thighs together, and she wondered idly why Ymir had decided on this movie specifically. Did she want something to happen? Was she just being an ass, as usual? Deciding to get a little payback, Historia pulled Ymir’s hand onto her lap and then started to caress her long fingers. She traced the dips of her knuckles, the protruding bones at her wrists and the veins along the back of her hand that were sticking out slightly. She delighted when Ymir shivered.

On screen some action was being had, and the heat in the room was increasing. Historia’s mouth was absolutely dry, but she didn’t want to get up to drink something. Instead she caressed Ymir’s fingers, enjoyed the solid feeling of her body, and then gasped when Ymir suddenly tilted her head and kissed her.

Ymir’s kiss conveyed everything Historia was feeling deep in her chest. It made her heart stutter and her knees weak. She couldn’t stop herself from pushing Ymir down until she was straddling her, kissing her with so much passion that her entire body burned. When she pulled away, she brushed her hair out of her face and gulped in heavy breaths.

“We probably shouldn’t do…” Ymir started, face flushed, “… that.”

Historia knew she was right. They couldn’t let themselves get so worked up. If they broke Hange’s solid rule of no sex, they could throw all of the completed steps out of the window. Yeah. That made complete sense.

They met halfway, lips and tongues meeting, and Historia groaned when Ymir’s hands slipped underneath her shirt, covering her breasts. She still had her bra on, but just feeling the contact through the material made her nipples hard and her lower regions soaked.

“I forgot what this feels like,” Historia gasped against Ymir’s mouth.

“Me too,” Ymir groaned. Her hands were almost all over the place. It was like she was trying to touch her everywhere at once.

When the doorbell rang, they startled away from each other like they were horny teens caught by their parents. It took a second to remember the pizza, and when they did, they laughed. Historia could feel her entire body tingling, but now that they were sitting up and trying to regain their composure, she decided that they really did need to stop.

Ymir seemed to agree, because when she returned from getting the pizza, she kept some distance between them. Things weren’t awkward, at least, but they were charged. They changed the movie, ate in silence, but the whole while they kept glancing at each other.

Historia really hated Hange’s dumb rule.


	20. Step 6: Part 1

Ymir was really trying to be more patient, but she could feel that she was getting overly agitated, and if Historia didn’t fucking _stop_ already, she was going to explode.

“Make sure everything runs smoothly!” Historia yelled into her phone. “I don’t care, just do it!” She ended the call, continued to pace across the lounge and dialled a new number. Ymir watched her pace four more times before her temper won.

“Will you please sit the fuck down? I’m trying to watch something.”

Historia’s head snapped up and she looked at her as if she’d forgotten Ymir was even in the room. “I’m sorry, I just need to get all these things done. The caterers should be here.”

Ymir’s eyebrows shot into her hairline. “You ordered caterers?” She set the remote aside and stood, grabbing Historia by the elbows and forcing her to stand still. Historia only half-heartedly struggled. “Historia, it’s just dinner with your parents.”

“I know, so it needs to be perfect.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Come on, you’re being ridiculous.”

Historia tugged out of her grip, glaring. “I care what he thinks, Ymir! I know you don’t give a fuck, but that doesn’t mean I should roll over and embarrass myself. I don’t even want to be doing this!”

Ymir felt a tick at her eyebrow, so she decided to leave it. Historia was so fucking insufferable when she got frantic like this. Anything regarding her father sent her into a full blown panic. Ymir didn’t like this either, but Hange’s steps were absolute, and step 6 was dinner with the parents. Tonight was Historia’s, and tomorrow would be Ymir’s. She didn’t remember the last time they’d had dinner with either of their parents, though Historia’s parents usually wouldn’t be caught this side of the city. Ymir was still surprised that they were even coming.

“Look, why don’t you just try to enjoy yourself?” Ymir asked her. She didn’t want this to turn into a massive fight, which it was heading to. Instead she grabbed Historia’s hand and rubbed a thumb along her wrist. “Relax, Historia.”

Historia stopped fidgeting and closed her eyes to inhale and exhale deeply. She was shaking. Ymir pressed her thumb down and found that her heart was racing too. “I’m sorry,” Historia told her softly, voice barely above a whisper.

Ymir sighed. “It’s alright. I know how you get.”

The doorbell rang, and Historia’s eyes flew open. She rushed to let the caterers in and Ymir could only stand aside and watch as groups of people flooded in to decorate the place and start cooking. Ymir hated this. Why couldn’t they just order food, or just make a roast themselves or something? If that wasn’t good enough for Mr Reiss, then he could fuck off. But Historia didn’t want to hear any of it. She was running around coordinating, and Ymir decided to leave the lounge to sit out back with the dogs. They were happily wrestling in the sand until they noticed her and bounded over in pure joy.

Ymir must have been outside for a long time before Historia eventually found her.

“What are you doing?” Historia hissed, eyes wide. “You need to get dressed!”

Ymir looked down at her jeans and t-shirt. “I am dressed.”

“No! In the suit I got for you. Go shower and change, please.”

Ymir pressed her lips together. For a moment she merely stared at Historia, feeling familiar irritation in her chest, but eventually gave in and stood. She brushed by Historia and resisted the urge to throttle her. “You’re fucking ridiculous,” she growled at her. Historia didn’t even seem to hear her, because she was already flitting back into the kitchen to check on the food.

Ymir took her time in the shower just to annoy Historia, then dressed in the crisp, new suit hanging by the cupboard. It fit her perfectly, and she was surprised that Historia had been able to get one made so well. She knew it was newly made and not just bought, because Historia was like that.

When she finished doing the buttons at the cuff, the bell rang one more time, and her stomach clenched. Heels clacked down the hallway and the bedroom door burst open, Historia standing there wide-eyed.

“They’re here.”

Ymir probably should have tried to be more supportive. Instead she was being difficult. She rolled her eyes at Historia and held out her hand. “So? Let’s do this thing. We need to act like the happy couple we aren’t.”

Historia furrowed her brows, probably finally realizing the state of Ymir’s mood. “I could really use your support here, you know.”

Ymir shrugged. “When it comes to your father, I’m always at the bottom of the list.”

Historia wanted to argue, it was clear on her face, but the bell rang again so they had no choice but to walk to the door together, hand in hand, and open for Mr and Mrs Reiss.

Mr Reiss was, as expected, staring impatiently at his watch. He wore a deep blue suit with a cream tie. His bald spot looked newly shined, and what was left of his black hair was swept back neatly. His face was smooth and spotless, but his eyes were murky. When he looked up at them, Ymir felt uncomfortable at his gaze. Beside him, Mrs Reiss wore a beautiful dress down to her ankles, and heels so high that Ymir marvelled at how she could possibly walk in those.

“Father, mother,” Historia greeted, smiling stiffly. “Thank you for coming.”

Mr Reiss gave her a glance over. “We had no choice in the matter,” he grumbled.

They moved aside to let them in. Historia’s mother didn’t even greet them, or acknowledge them, and the way she stepped inside was as if she was doing so into a cave of spiders. She looked like she was about to get attacked. Though, if she kept at it, maybe she was.

Ymir realized that Historia was squeezing her hand really tightly, enough that she lost feeling in her fingers, and her heart thumped hard. Historia was nervous. Seeing them, it… it usually just hurt. Even though Historia’s main motivation was always proving herself to her father, he always managed to kick her down just by being in the same room as her. And Mrs Reiss acted as if she didn’t even have a child.

Mr Reiss had been married once before, but his wife had passed, and so he had married Historia’s mother, and they’d had her. It was as if Mr Reiss felt like Historia was his illegitimate child or something, and he showed her none of the love he showed his other children. Maybe that was why Historia didn’t really get along with them, but she was at least very close with Frieda.

Historia ushered them all into the dining room. It didn’t even look like their home anymore. Ymir felt like she was dining somewhere else, in a stranger’s house. There were servants bustling around, bringing utensils and drinks and after a flick of Historia’s wrist, they brought out the starters. Ymir stared down at the plate of barely there food and frowned. No one was speaking.

Their clock on the wall ticked loudly. Historia’s parents began to eat, faces impassive and emotionless. They weren’t even sitting close together. Ymir studied them, then Historia, who was flitting glances back and forth from them to her own plate. She was visibly uncomfortable, which Ymir hated to see.

Ever since step 5, Ymir genuinely cared about fixing things with Historia, and being more pleasant. She realized that she’d never really completely fell out of love. There had always been a piece inside of her that belonged to Historia. She was still working hard on pulling that piece to the forefront. But this, seeing Historia so miserable at the dinner table with her own fucking parents, made Ymir seethe. Under the table, Ymir rested her hand against Historia’s knee. Historia’s head jerked up at her, eyes going wide.

“The food is wonderful, love,” Ymir told her from the heart, softening her expression as much as she could.

Curiously, Mr Reiss lifted his head to look at them. “I wouldn’t call it that,” he muttered under his breath.

Historia stiffened, her slight smile disappearing completely. Ymir’s stomach churned with rage. “Excuse me?” she turned on him, eyes burning.

Mr Reiss lifted a brow at her, as if he was surprised that she had the nerve to even speak to him. “I’m afraid this isn’t very appetizing,” he said.

What absolute bullshit. Ymir knew that the food was excellent, because the caterer that they’d hired was brilliant. Even if Ymir was salty that the food was catered as it was, she could still recognize when it was good.

“I apologize,” Historia blurted in a hurry. Her cheeks were burning brightly. “Maybe you’ll like the main course? And some wine?”

Mr Reiss handed his barely eaten plate over to a server. “Wine would be lovely.”

His water was replaced with wine, and he downed half of it in one go. One thing about Mr Reiss was that he was a light weight. Historia got her looks and her height from him, so he was quite a tiny man. Sadly he was tiny in personality, too. After just half a glass Ymir could already see the alcohol taking hold of him. Mrs Reiss didn’t seem to care at all. She moved her food around on the plate, even after their main course arrived, and didn’t eat a thing. She alternated between her water and tiny sips of wine.

“I must say, I’m still surprised you live here, Historia,” Mr Reiss brought up suddenly. “You could have bought a house beside us up on the Hills.”

Ymir snorted, but they all ignored her.

“I like living here,” Historia defended hesitantly. “It’s a nice neighbourhood.”

Mr Reiss sighed. “How is the company? I hope you managed to delegate enough work so that we could endure this farce.”

Ymir balked, offended out of her mind, but Historia’s face had gone carefully blank. Talking about the company always started fires, especially between father and daughter.

“As I have for the past two years, everything is taken care of.”

Mr Reiss swirled the last bit of his wine, staring down at it. “Mm.” He drank it. “I’ll be leaving the country for a while in a few days,” he added. “You’ll take care of things for me while I’m gone.”

It wasn’t even a fucking question, but a statement. By Historia’s widened eyes, this was complete news to her. Instead of arguing with him, though, Historia dropped her eyes to her untouched meal and kept silent. By that point Ymir was fucking boiling.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she snarled. All eyes snapped up to stare at her in surprise. “You just tell her to do your fucking job for you? You’re such a prick.”

Mr Reiss’s pale face reddened immediately. “Excuse me?” he sputtered.

Historia grabbed her arm. “Ymir, what are you doing?”

Ymir ignored her. “Your daughter has been busting her ass for you, Rod, and you can’t even fucking acknowledge that? Do you even know what she goes through every day covering for your lazy ass?”

Mrs Reiss gasped loudly, and in a move that shocked them all, she stood and tossed her entire glass of wine in Ymir’s face. Ymir managed to keep her cool and didn’t even flinch. She glared venom at them. Mrs Reiss threw her fur coat over her shoulders, sneered and strode away. Mr Reiss stood and followed her. He had a shadow over his face, and with how dark his ears were, he was furious.

Surprisingly, Historia didn’t follow them. They sat there silently until the front door slammed shut and they heard the limousine out front drive away. Ymir finally exhaled loudly and wiped the wine from her face.

“Worth it,” she muttered under her breath, even though she knew she would have the stink of wine in her nose for days.

A soft touch startled her. “Here,” Historia whispered, reaching out with a towel. She dabbed at Ymir’s face, getting the worst of the liquid off her skin. “I can’t do much about your suit jacket,” she said remorsefully. “It will probably stain.”

Ymir watched Historia’s face as she wiped the wine away. Her blue eyes were swimming deeply with pain and anguish. Ymir hated this. She hated seeing Historia like this and knowing there was nothing she could do. In fact, all she ended up doing was making things worse. No wonder their marriage had nearly crumbled.

“I’m sorry,” Ymir told her sincerely. “I got angry, and I let it take over.”

Historia gave her a small, sad smile. “That’s okay,” she said. “You only said what I wish I could.”

“You’re not furious with me? You’re not going to make me sleep on the couch for this?”

Historia set the soaked towel aside and sighed. “No,” she said, shoulders slumped. “Why?”

“Usually you get all… angry.”

“Maybe before. Not anymore. I just feel empty.”

Ymir ran a hand through her wet hair. She was sticky. “Well, that won’t do.”

Historia left to relieve the caterers and servers, and when she sat back down, she was frowning deeply. Ymir stood and, quickly so that she wouldn’t see it coming, she picked Historia up and tossed her over her shoulder. “Ymir!” Historia yelled, laughing. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you to bed,” Ymir told her cheerfully. “And not the sexy type of bed. Let me shower, and then we can watch Netflix and fall asleep cuddling.”

Historia laughed again. She grabbed hold of the back of Ymir’s jacket. “You can put me down, really.”

“Nope. I like to let the caveman in me out sometimes.”

“Ymir, you idiot.”

Ymir carefully dumped Historia on the bed and grinned at her. “You still married me though.”

Historia rolled her eyes and chucked a pillow at her, but she was smiling. “Go and shower, you goof. I’ll have Netflix ready by the time you’re done.”

Ymir smirked, heart thrumming, and did as she was told. She showered with superhuman speed, then climbed in bed beside Historia. This wasn’t where she usually slept, but she felt like she was home. “Right, so what are we watching?”

Historia hit play, and the movie started. “This one called Across the Lake. It’s a romance about a city woman that moves into a lake town, where she meets a lonely, broody fisher and they fall in love. The fisher lady is reclusive and distrustful, but of course city woman teaches her how to love again.”

Ymir smothered her laugh. “Super cliché.”

“Yeah, but it’s lesbians.”

They stayed quiet a moment as the opening sequence began. “I guess you’re right,” Ymir finally agreed, amused.

They pulled the blanket up to their chins, and Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia’s small body. She pulled her in tight and kissed her brow.

They would be okay.


	21. Step 6: Part 2

Historia was in her home office all day taking care of calls and emails, so when she finally got up and took a walk through the house, she paused in hallway to stare at Ymir in confusion. Ymir was just sitting on the couch, eating chips and watching TV as the dogs slept at her sides and feet.

“Ymir?”

Ymir stuck her hand into the bag again. “Mm?” She turned down the volume.

Historia tentatively stepped into the room. “Are you… aren’t your parents coming over? What time is it?”

Ymir, not concerned, pulled her phone out and checked the time. “About ten to eight. They’ll be here in a few minutes.”

Historia went rigid. She hadn’t realized what time it was, with all the work her father had left for her despite her being at home. She swallowed hard and furrowed her brows. “But… nothing was prepared.”

Ymir gave her a look. “What, you want me to hire caterers just to have my moms over? You know what they’re like.” She laughed in genuine amusement. “Come here.”

Historia did so. The memory of yesterday was still fresh in her mind, of the disaster that was their evening dinner and how horrible her parents were. Looking back on it, her father was really… stuck up. Historia had always known he wasn’t really an outstanding man, but had he always really been so nasty? She felt so ashamed and disgusted with him, and especially with her mother after throwing all that wine all over Ymir. Just remembering the burning look in Ymir’s eyes as she had stood up to them made Historia warm all over, even as her heart threatened to shatter under the hurt and anger at her parents.

“Sorry, I know. It’s been a while since I saw them last.”

Ymir wrapped an arm around her and tugged Historia against her side. “They love you more than they love me,” Ymir told her with a grin. “And they won’t care that you’re in a t-shirt and shorts, or that we’re having pizza for dinner. Really. Relax.”

Historia forced herself to relax. Despite the previous evening, Ymir seemed to be in an oddly good mood. Her mothers always did that for her, though. They didn’t panic her, not like Historia’s parents did for her. Historia felt a small pierce of jealousy, but that melted away quickly when the doorbell rang and Ymir’s eyes sparkled.

“The parentals have arrived,” Ymir said, standing. She held her hand out, waiting, and Historia took it hesitantly. She felt dirty for taking it, like she had no right. Ymir’s parents were so wonderful. If they found out about the marriage counselling or their problems, surely they would come to finally hate Historia for the useless person she was.

“They love you,” Ymir told her, breaking her out of her depressed thoughts. “Remember that.”

Historia gave a tiny nod and forced herself to smile when Ymir opened the door. The moment Ymir’s parents spotted them, they broke out into broad, happy grins.

“My baby!” Ymir’s mother exclaimed, launching herself forward and into Ymir’s waiting arms.

“Mom,” Ymir laughed, almost toppling over. “You’re going to kill me one day.”

“Nonsense, I’m too small for that.”

Ymir’s mum stepped inside, smirking. “You keep telling yourself that, love.”

Ymir’s mom stepped out of her daughter’s arms to glare at her wife, but that only earned a chuckle and a lifted brow. Historia watched them, fascinated. Ymir got most of her features from her mum, who was tall and attractive and freckled, but who was severely white and blue eyed, and had black hair. Ymir’s tiny mother, who had carried and given birth to her, had given her the dark brown skin, brown eyes and hair. No matter their differences though, Ymir still managed to look like the perfect combination of her parents, and knowing that they had conceived Ymir purely because they’d wanted to made Historia envious.

“Oh, look at you, Historia!” Mom cooed, shooing her wife and daughter away to pull Historia into a hug. They were the same height—much to Ymir’s endless amusement—and she smelt like coffee and lavender. She was small, but her hug was incredibly tight and Historia felt a profound moment of physical relief at the sensation of being squeezed in someone’s arms like that. Somehow Ymir’s mother always knew what she needed, because she hugged her extra tight, rubbed her back in comfort and pulled away to smile at her. “Just as beautiful as the day we met you. We haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Historia looked away, smile dropping. “Sorry about that.”

“Nonsense,” Mum interjected, inserting herself to give Historia a half hug and a smile. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. Has Ymir been treating you well?” She turned and gave Ymir a look, but Ymir puffed her chest up and tried to look brave. Before long their posturing made them laugh, and they embraced tightly.

“She has,” Historia hurried to say, not wanting them to pick up on the fact that actually, things hadn’t been that great.

“I try,” Ymir added, smile dwindling. To save the sudden awkward silence, the bell rang again and Ymir opened it to pay for their pizza. Mum laughed hard when she saw the pizza, claiming that only her daughter would have the gall to invite her mothers over and order goddamn pizza.

“What?” Ymir exclaimed, mock offended. “Pizza is the food of the gods, mum. Don’t you and mom argue about pizza all the time?”

“We do no such thing!” Mum exclaimed.

“Liars, the both of you,” Mom told them, wagging her finger. “I have no clue how the two of you stay so lean with all the junk you shove in your bodies.”

“Mom, I’m here for a good time, not a long time,” Ymir shot back.

Mum snorted on a laugh, which made Ymir snort too. Historia covered her mouth with her hand, laughter bubbling up out of her almost uncontrollably. The tears were just as surprising, and when Ymir noticed them she immediately rushed forward to cup her cheeks, eyes concerned.

“I’m sorry,” Historia choked out, wiping her eyes. “I don’t.. I just…”

Ymir kissed her softly on the lips. “It’s okay.” She slid her hands down and intertwined their fingers. Historia knew she didn’t need to explain anything. Ymir just knew. Historia had almost forgotten what this felt like, to have such a deep and profound connection with someone, that Ymir could be so attuned to her inner thoughts like this. Of course Ymir knew.

“See? Your dumb jokes still make your wife cry, idiot,” Mum grumbled at Ymir, smacking her upside the head.

Ymir’s brow ticked, but she didn’t rise to the bait. Historia laughed and stepped forward, into Ymir’s arms. She inhaled deeply, soaking in the smell of Ymir and the warmth of her. This was definitely home. Historia thought of the night before, of the rigid coldness she’d felt, the emptiness around her parents. She much preferred this. The warmth of Ymir’s mothers, the love they exuded without any effort. This was the family she wanted.

“Can we maybe stop standing in the hallway?” Mom spoke up suddenly. “I’m hungry.”

Both Ymir and Mum groaned, but Historia laughed again and nodded. “God, sorry. My parents came over yesterday and it was such a disaster. I’m a wreck. We didn’t clean the place or anything, but we can relax in the lounge.”

Mom smiled, but her eyes got an edge to them. Historia recognized that shimmer of protectiveness, and she could sense it was being directed at her. It made her feel amazing.

“What happened?” Mom asked, pushing Ymir away to take her hand. They all started walking to the lounge then, Ymir and Mum silent. Ymir looked worried, but Mum had a practised look of blank curiosity on her face.

“Just the usual,” Historia sighed, waving her hand. “But don’t let my awful parents ruin our dinner. Ymir’s been looking forward to this all day.”

“Alright love, but you can always pull me aside if you need to vent. Lord knows my daughter can be a hardass sometimes, especially when she’s needed.” Mom looked at Ymir, which made her stiffen and look away nervously.

Yeah, she had probably already realized something was amiss. But whatever, they’d be okay.

“So, pizza?” Mum inquired casually, setting the pizza boxes down on the coffee table—Ymir had probably shoved them into her arms post Historia’s crying fit. “I hope there’s no pineapple on these.”

Ymir smirked. “You’re weak,” she taunted.

Mum’s eyes narrowed. “Ymir, don’t test me.” It was a warning, one that Ymir didn’t heed.

“Oh come on, Hawaiian pizza isn’t the same without pineapple.”

The two started to bicker back and forth as they always did, and Historia suddenly felt like everything was alright. The playful arguing was always amusing to watch, especially when it evolved into wrestling on the couch. Historia felt tears press at her eyes again, but Mom took her hand and squeezed it, and her eyes were filled with nothing but motherly love.

“Is everything really okay?” she asked softly, seriously.

Historia looked down at her lap. She smiled sadly. “Not really,” she answered honestly. “But we’ll get there.”

No doubt she wanted to ask more, but Mom nodded and then grabbed some pizza for them. They let Ymir and mum argue to their heart’s delight, and the whole night Mom didn’t let go of her hand or give her a moment to sink back into her depression.

Historia was kept afloat by it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Would love comments ^^


End file.
